Tears are starting to sting in his eyes again but desperately tries to blink them back. So, he buries his face once more in her shoulder and holds her close.
"I-I..." he hiccups, "w-want to b-believe you're right. I just... I want to be strong. I d-don't feel strong. And I'm sorry. I g-got scared for you and I took it out on h-him. I shouldn't have done that. I really am sorry."
She wraps her arms around his neck, weaving her fingers into his hair and cooing softly in an attempt to soothe him, nose against his temple.
"I know, Max." She assures him. "You did nothing wrong. I know you were just trying to help and I cannot fault you for that - everything will be alright. I promise." She shifts back after a moment, trying to duck her head down to see his face, hands reaching up if he'll let her to brush the tears from his cheeks. "You are so precious to me, Max. And I do hate to see you like this - tell me what I can do to make you smile again."
He shakes his head in protest. No, it was wrong. He knows it was wrong. She can forgive him but he refuses to be excused.
"It was wrong. It was. I won't do it again." That's all he can do since he can't take it all back. But he swears, he won't meddle like this anymore.
"It's enough," he says, finally calming down at her soft touch to his hair, "It's enough that you don't hate me. I was scared maybe I fucked it all up too badly."
"Max..." Gods, it's like he hasn't listened to a single thing she's said to him. But she won't argue with him while he's so emotional - there's no point. Maybe they can sit down and discuss it later when the wound is not so fresh.
She frowns despite herself. "Do you truly believe I would hate you?" He must not know her well to even assume as much. "It will take a lot more than this to make me feel negatively toward you."
Max sees him looking for a place to set the cloth and takes it from him, tucking it back away in a pocket.
"I'm so glad. I knew I wouldn't be able to reproduce it as well as the fae could. But now that you've tasted it again more recently, you'll be able to help me get it right, won't you?"
He folds his arms afterward, for lack of anything better to do with them currently.
"I am not a baker by any means, but if you simply mean taste testing, I would be more than happy to." He says, shifting on his heels a bit awkwardly. "But I am going to have to insist you allow me to repay you with more than just that."
"Yeah, taste test. That's what I mean. And you can keep me company in the kitchen too." He winks.
But, oh dear. What is he supposed to say to that? Max knows what the dirty side of him wants, but he absolutely did not do this just to get a 'thank you' fuck. That would be wrong.
"Well... how about a thank you kiss from a handsome king? Hm?" This isn't the same thing. It's just a kiss. Like, on the cheek. "That would be thanks enough."
Dimitri's head cocks quizzically, observing Max for a moment as if trying to determine the sincerity in the request. Given their last interaction, he shouldn't be surprised, and yet his cheeks still alight with color. "That is all?" He certainly didn't think a kiss would be sufficient payment for getting his sense of taste back, but maybe...
He steps forward, a scarred, calloused hand cupping Max's cheek, thumbing under his eye with surprising gentleness (though that probably wouldn't last very long) as he leaned in and pressed his lips to the other man's.
"I'm sorry. I can understand why you'd want to go home. If I had someone to go home to maybe I'd be singing a different tune myself."
He reaches down and takes out the tin of cookies he brought. He opens it and holds them out to Raleigh.
"But, I worry that, since it's not possible, all you're doing here is torturing yourself more. You know what I mean? Not a crime to let yourself relax a little if there's no other choice?"
She loosens her grip only a little, hesitant to part from him since he is still very clearly distressed.
"...Would you like me to stay?" She asks, even if there are a thousand other things she would like to say instead. All things, she is certain, he would not care to answer or acknowledge in his current state of mind.
The point of an alpha is not that you aspire to be like them. [Sure, a pack will be shaped by what alpha it has, but it will be shaped by any member that is a part of it. It's not a one way street. Not the point, either. Why would two ahrouns aspire to be like a galliard?]
It is that they lead. They say what to do and what to not do and take the responsibility for decisions. [And more, but that she feels are the core pieces.]
Would he like her to stay? Yes. Yes, he would. But he can't ask her to. He doesn't deserve that. She should be returning to Astarion. That's where she belongs.
"No..." he chokes on the word. "I should... sleep. Alone."
To say that 'no' hurt would be an understatement. The single word hit her like a fucking truck and then backed up over her for good measure. And it took everything in her to steel her expression, even if her leylines betrayed her by dimming faintly.
"Very well." She says, a plan already forming in her mind. She leaned in to kiss his forehead if he let her, then slowly slid off his lap to head for the door. "...Take care of yourself, Max. I...I will see you soon?" She hoped.
Another sob threatens to break free in his chest when he sees her literally dim at that rejection. It's almost enough to make him change his mind. But he... can't. He can't. He needs to be alone. He can't face her kindness anymore.
"Yes," he manages to croak. "I'll see you. O-okay?" He hopes so too.
He just needs some time. He needs to crawl into a corner and cry himself into a numb sleep. All of this pain is too much. He can't take it. So, as she leaves, he rolls over on the bed and curls in around himself, knees tucked as tight to his chest as he can get them. He'll stay like that, letting quiet tears drain down his face, for as long as it takes to stop feeling this.
Pushing the door open as quietly as he could Lucas peers into the room minutes later. Outside he got the basic idea of what happened and tried his best to console Lioriley before she left entirely. He'll circle back again to her after this, but for now all of his worry is focused on the man balled into himself.
The sight alone is enough to tear at his very heart, aching so profundly with the want to gather Max up in his arms. And why shouldn't he?
Quietly he slips into the room, shutting the door gently behind him. Soft noises, but he hopes it's not enough to give himself away yet before Max can tell him to go. Instead he pads over to the bed, kicking off his shoes and taking up the space at Max's back all in one fluid motion. Pressing his cheek against the man's back and angling an arm around him, Lucas finally speaks, low and calm and soothing. "Max. Talk to me."
Nights like these leave him wondering why the hell he isn't booty calling Michael more. When the two of them quit talking and start fucking, it's amazing.
But the fun doesn't stop just at the sex. It feels like it was a small triumph that he's managed to get Michael not only to cuddle him all night, but then in the morning too (and more) despite several attempts at escape. He's looking quite smug about it, up until Michael makes him promise not to get out of bed to help.
"But-!" he tries to protest, but it's hard to argue when he's being pinned so nicely. And, he did say he'd let Michael do it.
"Fine." That doesn't mean he can't lay here all naked and cute pouting while he watches. That's exactly what he's gonna do. With his arms cartoonishly folded over his chest.
At least... until he spots Michael's flask laying nearby on the floor next to his jeans. He waits until Michael's back is turned then he rolls to the side of the bed and snags it.
"While you get the coffee, I'll get the hair of the dog," he says, popping the lid off of it. He lifts it to his lips for a sip and ends up spitting it out all over the bed.
He's in a daze, drifting somewhere halfway between awake and asleep. So, he doesn't hear Lucas' approach. He doesn't stir until he feels movement on the bed. By then, it's too late. Lucas has him surrounded, wrapped up in his warm arms. He shudders, and a lonely sob shakes his frame.
"Did Lioriley tell you what I did?" He knows it must be her that called Lucas. This is no coincidence.
Michael walks back from the bed with a smirk, making sure to keep Max pinned with his mind until Michael is safely in the kitchen area. It's a real cute sight anyway, Max pouting with his arms crossed like that. "Let someone else take care of you for once," he teases, turning to start the coffee and the eggs.
"Hmhm?" He doesn't think anything of Max having another drink so he doesn't bother looking to see exactly what he's drinking out of until he hears him sputter and curse. Then he jerks his head up and freezes when he sees what's in his hand.
Michael sets the bowl of eggs he's whisking down, puts a fake grin on his face. "Oh yeah I shoulda warned you, I like it pretty strong." He strides over and reaches to snatch it out of Max's grip. "Sorry, I'll take that."
All the warm fuzzy thoughts of how fun it is to get pinned down from across the room have gone right out the window now, replaced by cold dread.
He fixes Michael with a shrewd glare and attempts to dodge the flask away from his reaching hand. "Bullshit. That's not strong stuff! That's chemical! You think I don't know the difference? Are you drinking paint thinner?"
Shit, that's a look on Max's face, and Michael feels the panicked need to lie. "It's not it's--It's just" He flounders, glances at the door like he's thinking of making a run for it.
...He sags.
"It's acetone." Can he have the flask back now. "I was drinking acetone."
He perks, looking down at the tin and taking one to munch on. Sweets are the key to his heart.
"It's hard," he says slowly, swallowing his bite of cookie. "It's hard to relax. It's been a long time since I was able to. I was.." He hesitates here, because he hasn't really dumped his story on a lot of people, and his brain is scrambled and he forgets what he's said to who.
"I was in the war," he finally says. "And it didn't go well for me. My...copilot, before Mako, was my brother. He died while we were still connected, and after that I...just drifted for years." He refuses survivors benefits, he refused treatment, he refused the brain scan. He went through his months of therapy because he had to, and then he left, discharged for disobeying orders.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
video; private -retroactively whoops yes for some reason I thought it was alreadz private oops
Date: 2020-12-08 03:23 pm (UTC)An alpha has the responsibility of leading.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-08 09:38 pm (UTC)"I-I..." he hiccups, "w-want to b-believe you're right. I just... I want to be strong. I d-don't feel strong. And I'm sorry. I g-got scared for you and I took it out on h-him. I shouldn't have done that. I really am sorry."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-08 09:52 pm (UTC)"I know, Max." She assures him. "You did nothing wrong. I know you were just trying to help and I cannot fault you for that - everything will be alright. I promise." She shifts back after a moment, trying to duck her head down to see his face, hands reaching up if he'll let her to brush the tears from his cheeks. "You are so precious to me, Max. And I do hate to see you like this - tell me what I can do to make you smile again."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-08 10:03 pm (UTC)"It was wrong. It was. I won't do it again." That's all he can do since he can't take it all back. But he swears, he won't meddle like this anymore.
"It's enough," he says, finally calming down at her soft touch to his hair, "It's enough that you don't hate me. I was scared maybe I fucked it all up too badly."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-08 10:07 pm (UTC)She frowns despite herself. "Do you truly believe I would hate you?" He must not know her well to even assume as much. "It will take a lot more than this to make me feel negatively toward you."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-09 03:41 am (UTC)"I'm so glad. I knew I wouldn't be able to reproduce it as well as the fae could. But now that you've tasted it again more recently, you'll be able to help me get it right, won't you?"
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-09 03:55 am (UTC)"I am not a baker by any means, but if you simply mean taste testing, I would be more than happy to." He says, shifting on his heels a bit awkwardly. "But I am going to have to insist you allow me to repay you with more than just that."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-09 04:10 am (UTC)But, oh dear. What is he supposed to say to that? Max knows what the dirty side of him wants, but he absolutely did not do this just to get a 'thank you' fuck. That would be wrong.
"Well... how about a thank you kiss from a handsome king? Hm?" This isn't the same thing. It's just a kiss. Like, on the cheek. "That would be thanks enough."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-09 04:19 am (UTC)He steps forward, a scarred, calloused hand cupping Max's cheek, thumbing under his eye with surprising gentleness (though that probably wouldn't last very long) as he leaned in and pressed his lips to the other man's.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-09 04:21 am (UTC)He reaches down and takes out the tin of cookies he brought. He opens it and holds them out to Raleigh.
"But, I worry that, since it's not possible, all you're doing here is torturing yourself more. You know what I mean? Not a crime to let yourself relax a little if there's no other choice?"
so did i! oops haha
Date: 2020-12-09 04:55 am (UTC)Right. I always assumed it was leading by example?
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-09 05:04 am (UTC)"Sorry, I'm such a mess. I should... I should just..." He tries to break away from her but she's still on his lap. "I'm so tired."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-09 05:15 am (UTC)"...Would you like me to stay?" She asks, even if there are a thousand other things she would like to say instead. All things, she is certain, he would not care to answer or acknowledge in his current state of mind.
video; private
Date: 2020-12-09 08:52 am (UTC)It is that they lead. They say what to do and what to not do and take the responsibility for decisions. [And more, but that she feels are the core pieces.]
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-09 01:05 pm (UTC)"No..." he chokes on the word. "I should... sleep. Alone."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-09 01:10 pm (UTC)"Very well." She says, a plan already forming in her mind. She leaned in to kiss his forehead if he let her, then slowly slid off his lap to head for the door. "...Take care of yourself, Max. I...I will see you soon?" She hoped.
i hurt myself :]
Date: 2020-12-09 03:29 pm (UTC)"Yes," he manages to croak. "I'll see you. O-okay?" He hopes so too.
He just needs some time. He needs to crawl into a corner and cry himself into a numb sleep. All of this pain is too much. He can't take it. So, as she leaves, he rolls over on the bed and curls in around himself, knees tucked as tight to his chest as he can get them. He'll stay like that, letting quiet tears drain down his face, for as long as it takes to stop feeling this.
a new challenger approaches
Date: 2020-12-09 05:31 pm (UTC)The sight alone is enough to tear at his very heart, aching so profundly with the want to gather Max up in his arms. And why shouldn't he?
Quietly he slips into the room, shutting the door gently behind him. Soft noises, but he hopes it's not enough to give himself away yet before Max can tell him to go. Instead he pads over to the bed, kicking off his shoes and taking up the space at Max's back all in one fluid motion. Pressing his cheek against the man's back and angling an arm around him, Lucas finally speaks, low and calm and soothing. "Max. Talk to me."
Re: thumbs up
Date: 2020-12-09 06:13 pm (UTC)But the fun doesn't stop just at the sex. It feels like it was a small triumph that he's managed to get Michael not only to cuddle him all night, but then in the morning too (and more) despite several attempts at escape. He's looking quite smug about it, up until Michael makes him promise not to get out of bed to help.
"But-!" he tries to protest, but it's hard to argue when he's being pinned so nicely. And, he did say he'd let Michael do it.
"Fine." That doesn't mean he can't lay here all naked and cute pouting while he watches. That's exactly what he's gonna do. With his arms cartoonishly folded over his chest.
At least... until he spots Michael's flask laying nearby on the floor next to his jeans. He waits until Michael's back is turned then he rolls to the side of the bed and snags it.
"While you get the coffee, I'll get the hair of the dog," he says, popping the lid off of it. He lifts it to his lips for a sip and ends up spitting it out all over the bed.
"What the hell?!"
Dun dun dun
Date: 2020-12-09 06:24 pm (UTC)"Did Lioriley tell you what I did?" He knows it must be her that called Lucas. This is no coincidence.
"Did she tell you?"
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-09 07:50 pm (UTC)"Hmhm?" He doesn't think anything of Max having another drink so he doesn't bother looking to see exactly what he's drinking out of until he hears him sputter and curse. Then he jerks his head up and freezes when he sees what's in his hand.
Michael sets the bowl of eggs he's whisking down, puts a fake grin on his face. "Oh yeah I shoulda warned you, I like it pretty strong." He strides over and reaches to snatch it out of Max's grip. "Sorry, I'll take that."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-09 09:33 pm (UTC)He fixes Michael with a shrewd glare and attempts to dodge the flask away from his reaching hand. "Bullshit. That's not strong stuff! That's chemical! You think I don't know the difference? Are you drinking paint thinner?"
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-09 09:55 pm (UTC)...He sags.
"It's acetone." Can he have the flask back now. "I was drinking acetone."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-09 10:17 pm (UTC)"It's hard," he says slowly, swallowing his bite of cookie. "It's hard to relax. It's been a long time since I was able to. I was.." He hesitates here, because he hasn't really dumped his story on a lot of people, and his brain is scrambled and he forgets what he's said to who.
"I was in the war," he finally says. "And it didn't go well for me. My...copilot, before Mako, was my brother. He died while we were still connected, and after that I...just drifted for years." He refuses survivors benefits, he refused treatment, he refused the brain scan. He went through his months of therapy because he had to, and then he left, discharged for disobeying orders.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-09 10:31 pm (UTC)