Of course he was worried and she has no idea how to reassure him. Part of her still wants to dance around it, to try to backpedal. She knows if she makes herself into the victim he will believe her, but she's not sure that would make her feel better long term. Yet, if he realizes how easily she accepted the terms in the end...what would he think of her if he knew she had planned and plotted this without remorse...The only thing she feels badly about is that the knowledge will hurt him.
"Our bargaining was not as successful as I had hoped. I did manage to get one of the prices down to something reasonable and beneficial to me, but the other, the one for you,...she wouldn't budge on it and I wasn't going to make you pay it."
"Um. Yeah, if that's okay? I just...didn't know if you'd want that?" Angel doesn't quite flinch or cringe, but he does hesitate, stopping where he is when Max turns to face him.
"What?" He pulls himself closer to her without letting go of her hands. Suddenly, his heart is pounding in his throat, pulse loud in his ears. His price? His? Caused this?
She's worried they are still talking past each other, or maybe he just can't begin to imagine that she would seek out violence on her own.
"No, Max. This was the Dirtman, not Claunthe."
What Elsie said still ate at her, and as much as she doesn't want it to be true, maybe she hadn't bargained against her own biases enough.
"Claunthe...she demanded blood in exchange for your safe passage, and I...Max. I don't know what Claunthe would have done if I refused to pay her price...You have to understand that I only chose him because I knew he also wanted to protect you."
Max pauses in place, going as still as he can when he's trembling. The rest of that sinks in slowly, or is it that Max doesn't want the understanding to come?
"No. It was several weeks ago, but he didn't want you to know because it would hurt you, and I didn't want to tell because I was afraid you would hate me."
Part of her wishes she had died in that dirt pit so maybe she could have planned this out better, but the endless gnawing of Elsie's words were simply aggravated by the whole ordeal with the Dirtman.
"Yeah, exactly," Max answers excitedly. He loves a good compliment but what he loves even more is a good critique. "The mixer helped me get it combined evenly without overmixing. Spreads the spices out better, too, so you don't accidentally get a big spicy cinnamon pocket in one of them." No one needs to accidentally enter the cinnamon challenge.
It's hard not to keep his mind from racing ahead to the cold weather, when warm baked goods will be in highest demand. Tools like these are going to come to his rescue. No, no, he reminds himself, focus on the moment.
"I couldn't wait to see what you'd think. I'm so glad you like them. You're right, they're gonna be a hit. We'll have think of a good name."
Max grabs one off the plate to munch on for himself. Before he's even done chewing, a new questions pops up in his mind. "By the way, I've been meaning to ask you how you've been? Making more friends?"
"Goodness, that certainly sounds like it would be a rude interruption to a dessert!" He can't imagine a mouthful of cinnamon would be particularly good in any circumstances.
Bart takes another, larger bite before laying his cookie aside on a handkerchief, and moving to collect the drying parts to start altering the machine to make it a bit safer for others to use. Keeping the head of the machine tipped back, he starts to mark where he'd be soldering on the plate that would catch the stand, referring back to his notes to be sure of placement.
Max's inquiry gets a small, unsure smile on reply. "I... haven't been getting out much, but I think maybe I have. There's a man that's come to me for burn treatments, and we've begun talking outside of his visits to the clinic. I like his company. He's been something of a comfort to me while others are busy with their own goings on. Talking with him is easy, especially since he doesn't dance around his point when he wants to make one."
He's quietly pushing down the urge to comment on how handsome Touya is, from the chilly blue of his eyes to the fairness of his features in spite of the scar tissue.
He lets himself crumple to the ground, landing on his knees first and then falling backward on his ass. This is so much to take in. He's not sure how he feels about it yet besides being numbly surprised.
"So you... killed him and then... you both talked after?"
Anger is starting to filter in past the shock, but it's not at Valdis alone. Erik said not to tell him. Erik did.
"He doesn't... get to decide for me anymore. Valdis I... I could never hate you but ... I'm upset. I said I didn't want people to get hurt for me. I don't want people choosing for me, either. I'm not that weak anymore. I don't need to be protected no matter what."
She senses his anger, and while she understands it, his insistence that no one get hurt on his behalf brings out some of her own.
"Were you going to go out yourself and choose someone to kill in order to pay Claunthe's price?"
Perhaps it's unfair for her to say it, but it's the truth.
"I tried to haggle with her, but I revealed my hand the moment I offered to pay for you, and I knew you wouldn't want me to cover my hands in innocent blood on your behalf."
As Bart begins to explain about the new friend he's made, Max's lips press together to conceal the smile that's trying so hard to take over his whole face. Aw, listen to him? It almost sounds like he has a crush. Actually, hmmmm. He wonders...
"It sounds like you have! It's wonderful when you find people you feel so natural around. But you know what you should do next? Invite him out for a lunch date, or something like that. See each other outside the office."
"No! I'd rather die myself than kill someone else ever again!" he bursts out, tears springing into his eyes.
"And he was innocent! Erik hasn't done anything to me! I've seen him around the town. We've been talking a little. He hasn't done anything. He didn't deserve to die for me."
She had given away her best hand and Claunthe had called her on it, but that was all in the past now, the debt was paid and done with, whether Max liked it or not.
"Clearly you have forgotten how he tormented you for all those years, to the point your self-esteem was shattered. He treated you like property, used you, branded you and I'm sure he's done far worse that he hasn't even admitted to you or himself. There is absolutely nothing about him that makes him innocent. Ylva and I have spent so much time and energy helping you recover from what what he did to you. We love you in a way he never could and he knows it. Him trying to become a better person doesn't erase everything he did and I don't understand why you don't realize that."
"How is you deciding for me any different than him doing it?!" The words fly from his lips before he can stop them, and he quickly claps a hand over his mouth in shame.
But he is still listening to the rest. The shame in him grows worse. He knows they had to work so hard to get him to see. He knows. He still has more to do but...
"I haven't forgotten. I'm not saying it erases anything. But I have forgiven him, Valdis. I forgive him. Especially when I know he meant it when he said he'd die to protect me. I already had to watch him do it once... I can't...I don't... I don't want to spend the rest of my life being angry at him. I don't want to live like that. You don't have to like him or forgive him but... this is my choice. It's my life."
"Aw, you're going to make me blush." Too late, he already is.
"Usually I'm the guy dishing out compliments. I feel bad that I don't know enough about you yet to give you any good ones." He loves to give compliments, but he always wants them to be true and specific.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-16 01:18 am (UTC)"Our bargaining was not as successful as I had hoped. I did manage to get one of the prices down to something reasonable and beneficial to me, but the other, the one for you,...she wouldn't budge on it and I wasn't going to make you pay it."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-16 02:19 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-16 03:30 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-17 12:51 am (UTC)"What was the price? What did she do to you?"
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-17 01:08 am (UTC)"No, Max. This was the Dirtman, not Claunthe."
What Elsie said still ate at her, and as much as she doesn't want it to be true, maybe she hadn't bargained against her own biases enough.
"Claunthe...she demanded blood in exchange for your safe passage, and I...Max. I don't know what Claunthe would have done if I refused to pay her price...You have to understand that I only chose him because I knew he also wanted to protect you."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-17 01:20 am (UTC)Max pauses in place, going as still as he can when he's trembling. The rest of that sinks in slowly, or is it that Max doesn't want the understanding to come?
"...He?"
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-17 01:25 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-17 01:36 am (UTC)"You killed Erik? W-when? Tonight??"
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-17 01:43 am (UTC)Part of her wishes she had died in that dirt pit so maybe she could have planned this out better, but the endless gnawing of Elsie's words were simply aggravated by the whole ordeal with the Dirtman.
"I'm sorry."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-22 09:20 pm (UTC)It's hard not to keep his mind from racing ahead to the cold weather, when warm baked goods will be in highest demand. Tools like these are going to come to his rescue. No, no, he reminds himself, focus on the moment.
"I couldn't wait to see what you'd think. I'm so glad you like them. You're right, they're gonna be a hit. We'll have think of a good name."
Max grabs one off the plate to munch on for himself. Before he's even done chewing, a new questions pops up in his mind. "By the way, I've been meaning to ask you how you've been? Making more friends?"
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-22 09:45 pm (UTC)Wrap?
Date: 2024-07-22 10:36 pm (UTC)“You’ll be the only cook with that knowledge, I’m sure.”
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-23 12:52 am (UTC)Bart takes another, larger bite before laying his cookie aside on a handkerchief, and moving to collect the drying parts to start altering the machine to make it a bit safer for others to use. Keeping the head of the machine tipped back, he starts to mark where he'd be soldering on the plate that would catch the stand, referring back to his notes to be sure of placement.
Max's inquiry gets a small, unsure smile on reply. "I... haven't been getting out much, but I think maybe I have. There's a man that's come to me for burn treatments, and we've begun talking outside of his visits to the clinic. I like his company. He's been something of a comfort to me while others are busy with their own goings on. Talking with him is easy, especially since he doesn't dance around his point when he wants to make one."
He's quietly pushing down the urge to comment on how handsome Touya is, from the chilly blue of his eyes to the fairness of his features in spite of the scar tissue.
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-23 01:14 am (UTC)"I do. I'm sorry for how we got off on the wrong foot, but I'm really glad it's not stopping us now."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-23 01:56 am (UTC)He lets himself crumple to the ground, landing on his knees first and then falling backward on his ass. This is so much to take in. He's not sure how he feels about it yet besides being numbly surprised.
"Did... you plan this together?"
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-23 02:09 am (UTC)"Claunthe didn't want a sacrifice, Max. If we had discussed it beforehand, it wouldn't have counted."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-23 02:26 am (UTC)Anger is starting to filter in past the shock, but it's not at Valdis alone. Erik said not to tell him. Erik did.
"He doesn't... get to decide for me anymore. Valdis I... I could never hate you but ... I'm upset. I said I didn't want people to get hurt for me. I don't want people choosing for me, either. I'm not that weak anymore. I don't need to be protected no matter what."
yes please!
Date: 2024-07-23 02:28 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-23 02:37 am (UTC)She senses his anger, and while she understands it, his insistence that no one get hurt on his behalf brings out some of her own.
"Were you going to go out yourself and choose someone to kill in order to pay Claunthe's price?"
Perhaps it's unfair for her to say it, but it's the truth.
"I tried to haggle with her, but I revealed my hand the moment I offered to pay for you, and I knew you wouldn't want me to cover my hands in innocent blood on your behalf."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-24 04:09 am (UTC)Shhh, he wants to bask in all that warm, the walking cozy.
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-26 03:07 am (UTC)As Bart begins to explain about the new friend he's made, Max's lips press together to conceal the smile that's trying so hard to take over his whole face. Aw, listen to him? It almost sounds like he has a crush. Actually, hmmmm. He wonders...
"It sounds like you have! It's wonderful when you find people you feel so natural around. But you know what you should do next? Invite him out for a lunch date, or something like that. See each other outside the office."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-27 09:19 pm (UTC)"And he was innocent! Erik hasn't done anything to me! I've seen him around the town. We've been talking a little. He hasn't done anything. He didn't deserve to die for me."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-27 09:35 pm (UTC)"And that's why I killed for you."
She had given away her best hand and Claunthe had called her on it, but that was all in the past now, the debt was paid and done with, whether Max liked it or not.
"Clearly you have forgotten how he tormented you for all those years, to the point your self-esteem was shattered. He treated you like property, used you, branded you and I'm sure he's done far worse that he hasn't even admitted to you or himself. There is absolutely nothing about him that makes him innocent. Ylva and I have spent so much time and energy helping you recover from what what he did to you. We love you in a way he never could and he knows it. Him trying to become a better person doesn't erase everything he did and I don't understand why you don't realize that."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-27 09:51 pm (UTC)But he is still listening to the rest. The shame in him grows worse. He knows they had to work so hard to get him to see. He knows. He still has more to do but...
"I haven't forgotten. I'm not saying it erases anything. But I have forgiven him, Valdis. I forgive him. Especially when I know he meant it when he said he'd die to protect me. I already had to watch him do it once... I can't...I don't... I don't want to spend the rest of my life being angry at him. I don't want to live like that. You don't have to like him or forgive him but... this is my choice. It's my life."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-27 10:00 pm (UTC)"Usually I'm the guy dishing out compliments. I feel bad that I don't know enough about you yet to give you any good ones." He loves to give compliments, but he always wants them to be true and specific.
"We gotta fix that."