"I figured." Rowan sighs, running their free hand through their hair as they watch Max. "What happened? She sounded really upset." Not quite true, but if she was upset enough to retreat still after a while, it must have really bothered her. Or has she been hiding all this time and Rowan just didn't notice? They feel guilty at that thought. They should be spending more time with her. After they reached an equilibrium between her and the garou, they've been more or less leaving her to her own devises.
"I didn't... mmm," Max makes a frustrated noise. She was upset and he gets why but he still thinks he has a right to be upset too for what she suggested.
Maybe if he starts from the beginning.
"She called me one of the days shortly after Mark started working at the cafe to tell me that... she killed Mark. Well, okay, in her words she 'took care of it' but Mark never came home so I can put two and two together." If she could hunt demons he's sure poor Mark never stood a chance.
"She thought he was dark magic impersonating me. She thought she was protecting me so, really, I wasn't that mad about it. I told her he'll come right back unscathed. She not happy that I'm going to keep using Mark for the cafe but she said she'd leave it alone. So far, she has."
None of that is actually what the fight was about though. Part of him feels like stalling. He doesn't want to say because... what if Rowan agrees with Lilith? But, no. They won't. How could they? They absolutely wouldn't.
"All of that was fine... I thought. But then, I mentioned it was good having Mark around because Lucas has still been healing. And that's when things really, uh, got bad..."
At that frustrated noise, Rowan can't help but stroke his arm softly, unable to resist giving him physical comfort. They do resist leaning forward to kiss his shoulder, though, watching him as he speaks.
And, well, all of that tracks. They can't really blame Lilith, because they were on edge, ready to launch themself at Mark if he made one wrong move when he first showed up, and they know that she has that thing about magic that they don't really understand. And she would have made sure it wasn't Max before she attacked, right? Mark and Max look similar, but it's pretty obvious they aren't, if you pay attention.
"Poor Mark. He don't never get a chance to stick around, does he?" They comment, shaking their head lightly. Between one thing and another... They run their fingers along Max's arm again, until they reach his hand, where they lace their fingers together, squeezing gently. "What happened then?"
The comfort is appreciated. It makes telling the story a little easier. Rowan is hearing him out and that's important.
"I told her that he'd been hurt and that he was still healing. And she started questioning why we didn't just take him to a healer. I tried to tell her it's a sensitive topic to him. He's still working through it on his own. She called him an idiot for that.
"I also mentioned that I'm not really sure if someone like, say, Lioriley even could heal it, assuming Lucas consented. Ghoul attacks are nasty for a reason, they always linger a little. That's when she..." His hand in Rowan's squeezes harder.
"She said then we had two options. Ask the fae to heal him or kill him and have him hard reset." He still can't believe Lilith would say to kill Lucas. Even if it was only hypothetical, why say it at all? She knew he'd be upset by it, she even said so. Lucas almost died already once! This isn't even a hypothetical option to consider. Not at all!
"She said she knew I'd be upset by that and told me I should just... not be upset by that?!" He's getting animated now. His free hand swinging in the air in a very 'what the fuck' kind of gesture.
"But I just-! How could she even say that? So I told her of course we're not fucking doing that and that if I found out she tried to do it we wouldn't still be friends after."
He deflates a little now. "Which, I know in hindsight was shitty but... she just killed Mark! And she said it so callously. I... I lost my cool."
Next to Max, Rowan tenses, their hold on him tightening as their rage surfaces. For a moment they see red, the threat to Lucas igniting their urge to defend their mates from any danger. But they pull themself back, taking a deep, calming breath before loosening their hold again, reminding themself that it's not a current threat, that Lucas and Max are both fine, and that they need to focus on Max and listen to the entire story.
"I can't believe she'd fucking say something like that." Their voice is still low, dangerous, but under control. "Why'd you even think that was an option! Of course it fucking ain't!" Another deep breath, and their fingers flex again, before they squeeze Max's arm lightly.
"You was nicer than I'd have been." Even with their ability to frenzy removed, they're glad she didn't try and say that to them. There's just some things that can't be ignored.
Max grips on to them, tensing while he waits to see if he needs to spring into any kind of action. Though, he must admit he's feeling vindicated too. So, it's not just him! Rowan agrees that was an awful thing to say!
"I still don't understand why she thought I could just... hear that and not react the way I did." His nostrils flare and he has to take a calming breath for himself too.
"But then she told me 'Fuck you for suggesting I'd kill a friend' and screamed at me that she was just listing out options like it's a step in a process and that just because I don't have the patience for something like this, or that I always have to butt into things, doesn't mean she's the same." Those words, even now, still sting. There's a ring of truth to them. What happened with Lexa, and Edgar, and Lioriley is proof. But... fuck. He's been working on that. And this time--This time!--it was different. This time she was the one butting in!
"I don't think that was fair of her to say when I was the one suggesting we let Lucas handle it in his own way and in his own time! But I didn't even get a chance to tell her that because she just told me 'fuck you!' and hung up. And that was the last time we spoke."
As Max continues, Rowan watches him, listening and taking in his words as they focus on trying to settle themself down, to settle the flood of adrenaline back down. Their soft fingers stroke his arm as he takes a deep breath, trying to help keep both of them calm. If Max gets riled up, they're not sure they'll be able to hold back either.
So they take some time after he finishes, focusing on breathing in and out, stroking Max's arm in time with their breaths as they take in the puzzle of Lilith's behaviour. "She was really upset by it, so I wonder if she said that to hurt you." There's a reason why they thought Max might have said something to Lilith, after all, even though they wouldn't say that to Max.
"You can't just go around suggesting that you could just kill someone, though. You just don't!" Rowan huffs, leaning their chin on Max's shoulder, annoyed. "Even as a hypothetical. Especially after killing someone!" Maybe Silent had had the right idea about Lilith to start off with... but no. She's never been a problem before, not really, and Rowan's enjoyed her company. "What reaction was she expecting from you?" They ask, slowly, speaking out loud more than really asking Max.
Luckily, with the help of Rowan's gentle stroking and their breathing alongside him, the anger seeps away leaving him to sulk instead.
"If that's what she meant to do then... it worked." He feels bad the minute he says that, and hunches in on himself.
"I didn't realize she was still so upset about it. I though it would be like last time, where she yelled at me and then that was that..." the fact that it seems to happen so often between them is worrying. He never means for things to go that way. How does he keep fucking up like this?
"I should go apologize to her. I know. I just..." he huffs. He really should, especially if she is still upset. Only, he's still upset too. She did hurt him, whether she meant to or not.
"I guess she was expecting me to be rational about it. I mean, sure, if you look at it from a purely logical perspective: If Lucas died here, he might come back whole. But... fuck. That's the kind of shit Erik would say. Perfectly, coldly practical."
Curling in closer, Rowan wraps around Max's arm, tucking their legs up as well so that they're both bunched up together. "She should apologise to you too." They say. Lucas too, really, but Rowan'd rather that he didn't know about this whole thing, if possible.
"Even logically it ain't useful. Wiping one trauma with another? How the fuck does that help anyone? Lucas'll get there when he's ready, and in the meanwhile he's got us both to keep an eye on him. He ain't in no danger here, if he ain't a hundred percent for a bit it ain't going to be a problem. And even without all of that - might come back whole means you're doing all of that with a questionable chance of success. No, it sounds to me--"
They pause, scratching at their cheek. How do they explain this without breaking Lilith's cover. It sounds to them like it's a choice that she might have considered back home, perhaps. Which maybe explains why it hit home so hard for her. They need to try and think over all the things they told her about her home world sometime when they're calmer. "Maybe it's the kind of decision she's had to face before. If you think about it, sometimes medical decisions are like that, aren't they? Switching off machines and stuff. I wonder if it struck too close to home?"
"I don't know if she will..." he leans heavily against them. Reliving the whole argument again makes him feel so rotten and tired.
"I know Lucas will be okay. And however long it takes, we'll be there for him while he works it out. I know Lilith cares about him, too, and was just trying to help in her own way. Maybe you're right that it's something she's had to do before. But that's just it... I was afraid maybe she'd take it on herself to try and help him when he doesn't want it. You know? Sometimes she acts like we don't know what's for our own good." If he thought Lilith might kill Lucas, it's because he thought she'd think it was to save him, paradoxical as that sounds.
"I think magic is great and healing is great but some wounds need to heal the natural way. That scar means something to Lucas. We don't have to know what to know that much. Maybe healing it when he's not ready would cause more harm. It's like how I won't get rid of my brand yet. Jackie already offered to do it, but I don't feel ready. I think that's where Lucas is at right now. He's still coming to terms with whatever caused that scar. So, how is he going to feel if the physical representation is gone but the mental wound is still too fresh?"
Rowan's quiet for a long time, looking away at the floor. They don't loosen their hold on Max, but they're clearly thinking. "It's PTSD, innit. The physical side is frustrating, but it ain't the real issue. He's got to work his way through it, then he'll be ready."
They glance up at Max again and offer him a small smile. "And so'll you be, one day. And in the meanwhile I'm here for both of you."
"Yeah," Max nods, almost more to himself than to Rowan. "I think it is. And he's trained to deal with that in others but I don't... I don't think that's the same as when it happens to you personally."
As for himself. Well, maybe it's the same problem. He's been trying to lean on them more when he needs it. To recognize that he needs it in the first place is still sometimes a challenge.
The smile he offers back is wan, but grateful. "Thank you Rowan. You help more than you could possibly know."
He chews his lips a little, thinking about this next request. He hates to make them a go-between but... "Could you talk to Lilith for me? Not to make apologies for me but just to find out if she'll talk to me? I need to make this right if I can."
Squeezing Max in, Rowan kisses his shoulder affectionately. "That's what I'm here for, innit? You can always come to me. If you get into a fight with someone and all." Is there a light hint there that they'd have rather found out from Max rather than Lilith? Yes. But they're not going to directly tell him off for it, because it's not something they feel they have a right to demand from him.
"And yeah, I was going to suggest not going back to her for a little while anyway. She was real upset when I talked with her. Give me a week or so and I'll talk to her, okay? Like I said, she owes you an apology too, and I ain't sending you into a situation where you're going to apologise and she's going to act like she did nothing wrong."
Max picks up on that hint and presses in a little closer, slumping his shoulders in. He should have told them, he knows that now. But he foolishly thought he could handle it on his own for once. He shouldn't be making Rowan and Lucas clean up all his messes.
"Okay... thank you, Rowan." A heavy sigh. "I'm sorry for all of this."
Turning, they touch the tip of their nose to his, nuzzling lightly, before leaning in to kiss him. "No apologies. This is what mates are for, right? We look out for each other. If we was back home...
"... Well, if we was back home I wouldn't be allowed to be with you. But if I was, I'd be expected to stand between you and any other garou. And partners always share the load, garou and mates or not."
"I wish it wasn't like that for you back home," Max sighs.
He can't stay upset when they nuzzle him like that. Their love is too powerful; it chases away the gloom so that his lips are turned up in a small smile by the time they move to kiss him.
"But, I understand what you mean. You're right. We all take care of each other. I thought I was saving you trouble by not saying anything but that was dumb. I'll try to be better about it from now on."
They kiss him again, rewarding him for the lesson learnt. "It don't matter what it was like back home, 'cos I'm here with you and Lucas now, and this is where I'm meant to be." They reassure him, with another little nuzzle, and soft kisses over his jaw.
"Just as well, innit, someone's got to come and tell you when you're being daft." They add, in a teasing voice, fingers lightly tickling up his sides as they go to lighten the mood. "Otherwise your head'll get too big for your boots, Mr tall, dark and handsome. Got to have some flaws in there!"
"It's where we are both meant to be. I've never been more sure of anything."
He lets off an involuntary giggle when they catch him in his ticklish ribs. He's smiling now, no more gloom.
"Oh yeah? That so? Last I checked, you're the one who looks killer in boots. Legs for days, a smile that could turn me into a puddle with one wink, and a body that moves like it's made of magic, What's a man even supposed to do about all that? If anyone's flawless here, that would be you."
"Traditional answer's, put a ring on it, but you already did that." Rowan laughs, giving one last tickle to Max's side, before letting their hands fall flat, affectionately stroking over his body now rather than teasing. "Guess if you're really struggling you could get me some more boots to show off in. You know I don't never complain when I get a chance to dress up sexy for you."
And isn't that the understatement of the year. If Max hasn't noticed their eager responses to the way he looks at them when they're trying to turn him on, there's not much hope for him!
Max contemplates suggesting they make the rings into something more official but decides to leave that unspoken. That conversation should keep until they all three can have it.
"I will get you so many boots, as long as you promise to use them all to destroy me in the best way possible."
Suffice to say he's more than noticed. It's an endlessly beautiful feedback loop of him looking at them like he could drop dead from how sexy they are, and then almost dropping dead again knowing his every reaction is feeding into their pleasure. Watching them tease him, knowing they're feeling good doing it, that's better than a drug. He wants them to feel like the most wanted person alive.
"I love you so much, Rowan. I really... I really don't know how I could have ever gone on living my life without having met you. Thank you for everything."
Leaning in, Rowan can't help but smile adoringly as they rest their forehead against Max's. "I love you too, Max. More than I could ever say. Thank you." They lean in to kiss him again, pressing in as close as they can to enjoy their bodies pressed skin to skin. It's a perfect moment, another in a growing collection of ones that they've been gathering, warm pockets of love that keep them glowing anytime dark thoughts of home drift by. This is a gift they've been given, and they will hold onto it as tight as they can, for as long as they're able.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2021-05-08 08:42 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2021-05-08 08:54 pm (UTC)Maybe if he starts from the beginning.
"She called me one of the days shortly after Mark started working at the cafe to tell me that... she killed Mark. Well, okay, in her words she 'took care of it' but Mark never came home so I can put two and two together." If she could hunt demons he's sure poor Mark never stood a chance.
"She thought he was dark magic impersonating me. She thought she was protecting me so, really, I wasn't that mad about it. I told her he'll come right back unscathed. She not happy that I'm going to keep using Mark for the cafe but she said she'd leave it alone. So far, she has."
None of that is actually what the fight was about though. Part of him feels like stalling. He doesn't want to say because... what if Rowan agrees with Lilith? But, no. They won't. How could they? They absolutely wouldn't.
"All of that was fine... I thought. But then, I mentioned it was good having Mark around because Lucas has still been healing. And that's when things really, uh, got bad..."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-05-08 09:04 pm (UTC)And, well, all of that tracks. They can't really blame Lilith, because they were on edge, ready to launch themself at Mark if he made one wrong move when he first showed up, and they know that she has that thing about magic that they don't really understand. And she would have made sure it wasn't Max before she attacked, right? Mark and Max look similar, but it's pretty obvious they aren't, if you pay attention.
"Poor Mark. He don't never get a chance to stick around, does he?" They comment, shaking their head lightly. Between one thing and another... They run their fingers along Max's arm again, until they reach his hand, where they lace their fingers together, squeezing gently. "What happened then?"
(no subject)
Date: 2021-05-08 09:20 pm (UTC)"I told her that he'd been hurt and that he was still healing. And she started questioning why we didn't just take him to a healer. I tried to tell her it's a sensitive topic to him. He's still working through it on his own. She called him an idiot for that.
"I also mentioned that I'm not really sure if someone like, say, Lioriley even could heal it, assuming Lucas consented. Ghoul attacks are nasty for a reason, they always linger a little. That's when she..." His hand in Rowan's squeezes harder.
"She said then we had two options. Ask the fae to heal him or kill him and have him hard reset." He still can't believe Lilith would say to kill Lucas. Even if it was only hypothetical, why say it at all? She knew he'd be upset by it, she even said so. Lucas almost died already once! This isn't even a hypothetical option to consider. Not at all!
"She said she knew I'd be upset by that and told me I should just... not be upset by that?!" He's getting animated now. His free hand swinging in the air in a very 'what the fuck' kind of gesture.
"But I just-! How could she even say that? So I told her of course we're not fucking doing that and that if I found out she tried to do it we wouldn't still be friends after."
He deflates a little now. "Which, I know in hindsight was shitty but... she just killed Mark! And she said it so callously. I... I lost my cool."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-05-08 09:41 pm (UTC)"I can't believe she'd fucking say something like that." Their voice is still low, dangerous, but under control. "Why'd you even think that was an option! Of course it fucking ain't!" Another deep breath, and their fingers flex again, before they squeeze Max's arm lightly.
"You was nicer than I'd have been." Even with their ability to frenzy removed, they're glad she didn't try and say that to them. There's just some things that can't be ignored.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-05-08 09:50 pm (UTC)"I still don't understand why she thought I could just... hear that and not react the way I did." His nostrils flare and he has to take a calming breath for himself too.
"But then she told me 'Fuck you for suggesting I'd kill a friend' and screamed at me that she was just listing out options like it's a step in a process and that just because I don't have the patience for something like this, or that I always have to butt into things, doesn't mean she's the same." Those words, even now, still sting. There's a ring of truth to them. What happened with Lexa, and Edgar, and Lioriley is proof. But... fuck. He's been working on that. And this time--This time!--it was different. This time she was the one butting in!
"I don't think that was fair of her to say when I was the one suggesting we let Lucas handle it in his own way and in his own time! But I didn't even get a chance to tell her that because she just told me 'fuck you!' and hung up. And that was the last time we spoke."
4 successes on empathy
Date: 2021-05-11 06:57 pm (UTC)So they take some time after he finishes, focusing on breathing in and out, stroking Max's arm in time with their breaths as they take in the puzzle of Lilith's behaviour. "She was really upset by it, so I wonder if she said that to hurt you." There's a reason why they thought Max might have said something to Lilith, after all, even though they wouldn't say that to Max.
"You can't just go around suggesting that you could just kill someone, though. You just don't!" Rowan huffs, leaning their chin on Max's shoulder, annoyed. "Even as a hypothetical. Especially after killing someone!" Maybe Silent had had the right idea about Lilith to start off with... but no. She's never been a problem before, not really, and Rowan's enjoyed her company. "What reaction was she expecting from you?" They ask, slowly, speaking out loud more than really asking Max.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-05-11 07:54 pm (UTC)"If that's what she meant to do then... it worked." He feels bad the minute he says that, and hunches in on himself.
"I didn't realize she was still so upset about it. I though it would be like last time, where she yelled at me and then that was that..." the fact that it seems to happen so often between them is worrying. He never means for things to go that way. How does he keep fucking up like this?
"I should go apologize to her. I know. I just..." he huffs. He really should, especially if she is still upset. Only, he's still upset too. She did hurt him, whether she meant to or not.
"I guess she was expecting me to be rational about it. I mean, sure, if you look at it from a purely logical perspective: If Lucas died here, he might come back whole. But... fuck. That's the kind of shit Erik would say. Perfectly, coldly practical."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-05-11 08:16 pm (UTC)"Even logically it ain't useful. Wiping one trauma with another? How the fuck does that help anyone? Lucas'll get there when he's ready, and in the meanwhile he's got us both to keep an eye on him. He ain't in no danger here, if he ain't a hundred percent for a bit it ain't going to be a problem. And even without all of that - might come back whole means you're doing all of that with a questionable chance of success. No, it sounds to me--"
They pause, scratching at their cheek. How do they explain this without breaking Lilith's cover. It sounds to them like it's a choice that she might have considered back home, perhaps. Which maybe explains why it hit home so hard for her. They need to try and think over all the things they told her about her home world sometime when they're calmer. "Maybe it's the kind of decision she's had to face before. If you think about it, sometimes medical decisions are like that, aren't they? Switching off machines and stuff. I wonder if it struck too close to home?"
(no subject)
Date: 2021-05-11 08:41 pm (UTC)"I know Lucas will be okay. And however long it takes, we'll be there for him while he works it out. I know Lilith cares about him, too, and was just trying to help in her own way. Maybe you're right that it's something she's had to do before. But that's just it... I was afraid maybe she'd take it on herself to try and help him when he doesn't want it. You know? Sometimes she acts like we don't know what's for our own good." If he thought Lilith might kill Lucas, it's because he thought she'd think it was to save him, paradoxical as that sounds.
"I think magic is great and healing is great but some wounds need to heal the natural way. That scar means something to Lucas. We don't have to know what to know that much. Maybe healing it when he's not ready would cause more harm. It's like how I won't get rid of my brand yet. Jackie already offered to do it, but I don't feel ready. I think that's where Lucas is at right now. He's still coming to terms with whatever caused that scar. So, how is he going to feel if the physical representation is gone but the mental wound is still too fresh?"
(no subject)
Date: 2021-05-11 08:58 pm (UTC)They glance up at Max again and offer him a small smile. "And so'll you be, one day. And in the meanwhile I'm here for both of you."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-05-11 09:07 pm (UTC)As for himself. Well, maybe it's the same problem. He's been trying to lean on them more when he needs it. To recognize that he needs it in the first place is still sometimes a challenge.
The smile he offers back is wan, but grateful. "Thank you Rowan. You help more than you could possibly know."
He chews his lips a little, thinking about this next request. He hates to make them a go-between but... "Could you talk to Lilith for me? Not to make apologies for me but just to find out if she'll talk to me? I need to make this right if I can."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-05-13 09:27 pm (UTC)"And yeah, I was going to suggest not going back to her for a little while anyway. She was real upset when I talked with her. Give me a week or so and I'll talk to her, okay? Like I said, she owes you an apology too, and I ain't sending you into a situation where you're going to apologise and she's going to act like she did nothing wrong."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-05-17 05:14 pm (UTC)"Okay... thank you, Rowan." A heavy sigh. "I'm sorry for all of this."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-05-19 06:07 pm (UTC)"... Well, if we was back home I wouldn't be allowed to be with you. But if I was, I'd be expected to stand between you and any other garou. And partners always share the load, garou and mates or not."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-05-24 02:04 pm (UTC)He can't stay upset when they nuzzle him like that. Their love is too powerful; it chases away the gloom so that his lips are turned up in a small smile by the time they move to kiss him.
"But, I understand what you mean. You're right. We all take care of each other. I thought I was saving you trouble by not saying anything but that was dumb. I'll try to be better about it from now on."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-05-27 09:09 am (UTC)"Just as well, innit, someone's got to come and tell you when you're being daft." They add, in a teasing voice, fingers lightly tickling up his sides as they go to lighten the mood. "Otherwise your head'll get too big for your boots, Mr tall, dark and handsome. Got to have some flaws in there!"
(no subject)
Date: 2021-06-01 01:53 am (UTC)He lets off an involuntary giggle when they catch him in his ticklish ribs. He's smiling now, no more gloom.
"Oh yeah? That so? Last I checked, you're the one who looks killer in boots. Legs for days, a smile that could turn me into a puddle with one wink, and a body that moves like it's made of magic, What's a man even supposed to do about all that? If anyone's flawless here, that would be you."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-06-03 10:56 pm (UTC)And isn't that the understatement of the year. If Max hasn't noticed their eager responses to the way he looks at them when they're trying to turn him on, there's not much hope for him!
good to start wrapping this?
Date: 2021-06-07 02:31 am (UTC)"I will get you so many boots, as long as you promise to use them all to destroy me in the best way possible."
Suffice to say he's more than noticed. It's an endlessly beautiful feedback loop of him looking at them like he could drop dead from how sexy they are, and then almost dropping dead again knowing his every reaction is feeding into their pleasure. Watching them tease him, knowing they're feeling good doing it, that's better than a drug. He wants them to feel like the most wanted person alive.
"I love you so much, Rowan. I really... I really don't know how I could have ever gone on living my life without having met you. Thank you for everything."
Yes!
Date: 2021-06-08 08:10 pm (UTC)