Max's hand gently closes on Marcus's. His palm is callused from lifting weights consistently, but his fingers are otherwise smooth. He could almost be a hand model.
At that admission, Max gives him a warm squeeze. "You don't need to be embarrassed about that. Although, it makes a lot of sense why you would be struggling with this now. Some people attach a lot of value to their first time."
"I never thought I'd have one, you know. And I was fine with that, honestly, at least most of the time. I... it was really important to me to keep my vows. I promised." The last part comes out more vulnerable, softer than he'd have liked. He'd made a promise to God and that was the most important promise that he could think of - God wasn't just some far off, remote figure to him. Marcus had seen Him. Marcus had heard Him. Nothing else could measure up to that.
And of course there was the consideration that if he'd broken his vows, every demon he ever met would throw it in his face. It was a weakness he couldn't afford. Sure, he'd had moments of temptation, who didn't? But the resistance of them was the part that mattered.
"I suppose this is how a bird feels, when you let it out of its cage outside. No bloody idea where to go, or what that big open space above it is." He chuckled, squeezing Max's hand. It is a nice hand. Big, warm, friendly. Like Max himself.
Max places his other hand on top of Marcus's. That vulnerability really tugs at him, makes him want to pull the man in for a hug instead.
"This is a big change. And it's happening pretty fast. It's obvious your vows have been a really important part of who you are. And for so long.
"I know you've been released from them now, but it really sounds like that wasn't a choice you willingly made. So, maybe the key for you is the choice. You can make this one for yourself. And you shouldn't let the Fae force it on you. If you need things with favor, I've got a lot I can spare. If it gives you time to decide, then I'm happy to help."
Marcus takes a deep breath. He's still not quite looking at Max, though he darts the occasional half-anxious glance like he's expecting to get yelled at or cut off. "Yeah. I... I wouldn't have given it up. It was... hard, for a while." That was putting it mildly. "But I never wanted excommunication. It's... all that I was. I wasn't anything else." He'd been the Church's weapon, aimed at the demons, and that had been fine. He'd had a purpose and that was all he needed. "I was the gun, and the Church was the hand." He pulls his hand away to show the double circle tattoo - not just circles when you look at it closely, but the business end of a gun barrel, a faded stick-and-poke piece he did himself years before.
While he has his hand free he'll grab another cookie. Carbs are good. "I'm not gonna let them force me. If I want to get laid, I'll manage it somehow." His smile's a bit watery and more than a bit sardonic, but it's real enough. "There's... a couple of things I might want. But it's nothing urgent. You don't need to put yourself out for me."
What glances Marcus manages to catch of Max will show nothing but a sympathetic look to match the rest of Max's tone. His expression draws in more when he sees that tattoo, and recognizes it for what it's meant to depict. He wants to ask if the church gave him that, but isn't sure if the question would be upsetting.
"I promise, you wouldn't be putting me out. The offer is a genuine one. And it will always stand."
He worries his bottom lip between his teeth a moment, deciding if he wants to make this next offer. The way Marcus said it... he'll manage, somehow. Well. Max could help with that too.
"Marcus... don't take this as some kind of pity or... well, you know. I'm just going to lay this on the table, is all."
Max is the one looking slightly anxious now. "If you wanted to give it a try with me, I'd really enjoy it."
"Yeah?" Marcus takes a bite of cookie and looks Max up and down, considering. Max was pretty close to exactly on the money for him, and he's definitely noticed that before - he likes them tall, and the muscles are nice. Even the light touch of scruff (though a beard would have worked too). He's not sure what a guy like that would want with a scarecrow like him, but... he's thinking about it.
At least he can tell Max is sincere, and it really isn't just pity. He smiles, nudging Max's calf with his toe. "I'll think about it. Dunno if I'm... ready yet."
It's nice to get an offer, at least. Makes a guy feel wanted.
"Yeah." Max's smile is warm and inviting, even while he knows he's being appraised.
Marcus should really give himself more credit, too. Scarecrow isn't the word Max would use. Regardless, attraction has always been less about aesthetics for Max and more about liking the person underneath. He likes Marcus a lot.
"That's all right. Like I said, you should take as long as you want. No need to rush."
And, because Max really can't stand not to anymore, he gets up and comes around to Marcus, so he can start to pull the man into a hug.
Marcus lets Max pull him in and wraps his arms around him in return, holding on tight. It's been a while since hugged anyone, he's not sure he even remembers the last person he hugged. And by hug standards, this is a great one - Max's arms are strong and warm and he's tall enough that Marcus doesn't have to lean down but not so tall that Marcus is suffocated in his shoulder.
He closes his eyes and sinks into it for a moment, but when he feels his breath hitch threateningly in his throat he pulls back. He's not gonna cry just from getting a hug. He has some dignity. "Right. Uh. I'll let you know."
Max will politely pretend that he didn't hear that hitch of breath. How long has it been since Marcus had anyone comfort him like this, Max wonders, if a hug is enough to choke his poor friend up? Doesn't matter, because Max is determined to make sure it's not that long between them anymore after this.
For now, he pulls away with a little chuckle. "Day or night, just a tome call away. Or, you can always wait here having a snack until I get home." Max grins and grabs another cookie for himself.
"Dark chocolate is a good way to get in the mood."
Marcus can't help a bit of a laugh. "Oh, it'll probably be the latter. Never been much for prior warning." Popping up unexpectedly is one of Marcus's greatest joys in life. No one is safe.
He'll scoop up one last cookie and wave with it. "I'll be off, then. See you 'round, Max."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-23 03:42 am (UTC)Max's hand gently closes on Marcus's. His palm is callused from lifting weights consistently, but his fingers are otherwise smooth. He could almost be a hand model.
At that admission, Max gives him a warm squeeze. "You don't need to be embarrassed about that. Although, it makes a lot of sense why you would be struggling with this now. Some people attach a lot of value to their first time."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-26 03:33 pm (UTC)And of course there was the consideration that if he'd broken his vows, every demon he ever met would throw it in his face. It was a weakness he couldn't afford. Sure, he'd had moments of temptation, who didn't? But the resistance of them was the part that mattered.
"I suppose this is how a bird feels, when you let it out of its cage outside. No bloody idea where to go, or what that big open space above it is." He chuckled, squeezing Max's hand. It is a nice hand. Big, warm, friendly. Like Max himself.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-26 05:27 pm (UTC)"This is a big change. And it's happening pretty fast. It's obvious your vows have been a really important part of who you are. And for so long.
"I know you've been released from them now, but it really sounds like that wasn't a choice you willingly made. So, maybe the key for you is the choice. You can make this one for yourself. And you shouldn't let the Fae force it on you. If you need things with favor, I've got a lot I can spare. If it gives you time to decide, then I'm happy to help."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-26 06:14 pm (UTC)While he has his hand free he'll grab another cookie. Carbs are good. "I'm not gonna let them force me. If I want to get laid, I'll manage it somehow." His smile's a bit watery and more than a bit sardonic, but it's real enough. "There's... a couple of things I might want. But it's nothing urgent. You don't need to put yourself out for me."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-26 06:45 pm (UTC)"I promise, you wouldn't be putting me out. The offer is a genuine one. And it will always stand."
He worries his bottom lip between his teeth a moment, deciding if he wants to make this next offer. The way Marcus said it... he'll manage, somehow. Well. Max could help with that too.
"Marcus... don't take this as some kind of pity or... well, you know. I'm just going to lay this on the table, is all."
Max is the one looking slightly anxious now. "If you wanted to give it a try with me, I'd really enjoy it."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-26 08:15 pm (UTC)At least he can tell Max is sincere, and it really isn't just pity. He smiles, nudging Max's calf with his toe. "I'll think about it. Dunno if I'm... ready yet."
It's nice to get an offer, at least. Makes a guy feel wanted.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-26 08:53 pm (UTC)Marcus should really give himself more credit, too. Scarecrow isn't the word Max would use. Regardless, attraction has always been less about aesthetics for Max and more about liking the person underneath. He likes Marcus a lot.
"That's all right. Like I said, you should take as long as you want. No need to rush."
And, because Max really can't stand not to anymore, he gets up and comes around to Marcus, so he can start to pull the man into a hug.
"Don't worry too much. You'll get there."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-26 09:17 pm (UTC)He closes his eyes and sinks into it for a moment, but when he feels his breath hitch threateningly in his throat he pulls back. He's not gonna cry just from getting a hug. He has some dignity. "Right. Uh. I'll let you know."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-27 12:27 am (UTC)For now, he pulls away with a little chuckle. "Day or night, just a tome call away. Or, you can always wait here having a snack until I get home." Max grins and grabs another cookie for himself.
"Dark chocolate is a good way to get in the mood."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-27 12:38 am (UTC)He'll scoop up one last cookie and wave with it. "I'll be off, then. See you 'round, Max."