More the first one. I don't know how much he's told you about the world he came from? It's not a kind or just place. And he never got to meet his mother. He was a baby when she died. More than that, I'm not sure I should say.
You could ask him about it over drinks. Just know that it's not an easy thing to talk about. All the same, he might appreciate someone caring enough to listen.
Yeah, no, we kind of don't talk about home. [For Ren that's for obvious reasons because she's limited to what she can talk about and seeing as Edgar's never brought it up, she figured he had his own reasons for that and didn't probe.] That I way I don't have to lie to him.
I'm not so good at...that stuff; the touchy feely shit. I always put my foot in it by saying something dumb.
Sometimes I'm not good at it either. I say dumb things. I've... ruined some friendships. But, it's hard to get closer to people without taking that risk, isn't it?
He's just really nice t'me 'nd he doesn't do it with for any other reason then he wants to. And that's...it's nice. I don't wanna fuck anything up with what we've got goin' on.
[Wait. Important addition.] As friends. I don't want to fuck up bein' his friend.
He's a good person and a good friend to have. I'm sure he'd feel the same about you, Ren.
My suggestion is to just talk to him as a friend. Enjoy each other's company. You can still get him something for Yule if you don't want to bring up the birthday issue.
I don't disagree with you. It's why I like to make a cake for everyone on their day.
[Excuse Max holding back a snort at hearing her say that's OLD. He's going to be one year from thirty soon. But he's sure to someone like her it must feel ancient.]
Yes, I do. You all get your own personalized cake. They aren't ever the same.
[Just in case she thinks that makes it less special. It doesn't.]
Ah. I see. I uh... I'm really glad that you haven't lost your life yet, for what it's worth.
I know it can be distressing when things don't go exactly where you planned for. Trust me on that. But I think it's better to look at it as an opportunity to explore and grow. Especially while you're here, a lot of new possibilities are open. You might discover something you never imagined for yourself. It's okay if you go off book. It really is.
Oh. Din't know that. That's proper nice of you, Max. [Praise where praise is due.] I know you've probably got it covered, but, if you ever want help, I'd be happy to help.
Yeah, but, like...
Two of the other kids in my initiation group? Dead already. S'hard in the first three years from your change. I always thought if I hit twenty that that'd be a big thing 'cos then I'd properly be a proper adult? Like, when you ain't a teenager any more, people respect you more.
I'd be happy to have your help, Ren. [Not because he necessarily needs it, but because he would very much enjoy it.] In fact, you could give me a hand doing Edgar's if you wanted.
[It's tempting to let the conversation linger on the comfortable topic of cakes and baking, but Max senses this is something that Ren truly needs someone to talk to about.]
I come from such a different way of life than you; I have to admit that. It breaks my heart to hear of people dying that young. It feels... unimaginable to me. But that's your reality...
That said, I remember what it was like to turn twenty. For me, that was the last year of my life before I got in with vampires. I was in school, and I didn't really feel all that grown-up yet, but people kept telling me I was a man now and I needed to act like it. I remember that it was very confusing for me.
Here's what I know about respect, though. Some people give it based on age, absolutely. But just turning a year older isn't all of it. Learning to act like someone worth respecting, that's important too. Just being older isn't enough on its own, or it shouldn't be. So, if you're looking for a goal, maybe that's what you can focus on. Being someone others can respect and look up to.
I'd like t'help. [She isn't artsy like Max but she's pretty decent at the basics of cooking and baking and something like this is more about the effort put in rather than anything else.]
[Oh no. He's using the serious voice.]
But that's...
See, the problem I have is people respect different things. Even where I come from, different tribes got different opinions on what makes a person respect worthy. I should know. My pack is made up of all different tribes. Only me 'nd Colin are Fianna. What they all want from me as alpha is different. What they need from me is different too. I'm already so different to when I left home.
I've been tryin' to learn but learning but learning comes hard to me. [She laughs to herself.] I even...I did one of those dumb online courses? Y'know that the unis in America do? People management, 'cos fuck me, it's hard work to keep my pack from killin' each other.
None of it comes natural. I lose my temper a lot. Some things are unavoidable in that respect but...I am tryin'.
I'll call you when I'm making it. [He's glad that's decided. Edgar doesn't like things too fancy anyway, so no harm there.]
[He nods sagely at her response.]
Yeah, that's the trouble with people, isn't it? We're all so different. You're never going to be able to please everyone and certainly not all at once...no matter how hard you try.
[That's a lesson hard-learned on his part.]
I think you've already made more progress than you think you have, though. Listen to what you just said: what people need from you is different. If you can recognize that, you're already a lot closer to being a good leader than you think.
I can really tell you're putting your heart and your effort into it one hundred percent. That doesn't mean you won't make mistakes or butt heads with people, but I have no doubt your pack will see that effort and respect it. They'll see that you're dedicated to doing the bet by them. That's important. Even while you're growing into your own kind of leadership approach, if you keep the focus on supporting and listening to your clan's point of view, I really think you'll be okay.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2021-11-22 03:38 pm (UTC)You could ask him about it over drinks. Just know that it's not an easy thing to talk about. All the same, he might appreciate someone caring enough to listen.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-11-22 03:47 pm (UTC)I'm not so good at...that stuff; the touchy feely shit. I always put my foot in it by saying something dumb.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-11-22 03:56 pm (UTC)[As for the rest...]
Sometimes I'm not good at it either. I say dumb things. I've... ruined some friendships. But, it's hard to get closer to people without taking that risk, isn't it?
(no subject)
Date: 2021-11-22 04:06 pm (UTC)Eddie's just.
He's just really nice t'me 'nd he doesn't do it with for any other reason then he wants to. And that's...it's nice. I don't wanna fuck anything up with what we've got goin' on.
[Wait. Important addition.] As friends. I don't want to fuck up bein' his friend.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-11-22 04:19 pm (UTC)My suggestion is to just talk to him as a friend. Enjoy each other's company. You can still get him something for Yule if you don't want to bring up the birthday issue.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-11-22 04:38 pm (UTC)[Especially if he hasn't had one before or if there's some weirdness around it. It was the basic stuff that made life happy.]
I'm kind of freakin' out about my birthday after Yule. I'll be twenty. [Which doesn't sound like a big deal. But...] That's so old.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-11-22 04:43 pm (UTC)[Excuse Max holding back a snort at hearing her say that's OLD. He's going to be one year from thirty soon. But he's sure to someone like her it must feel ancient.]
Why does that scare you?
(no subject)
Date: 2021-11-22 04:58 pm (UTC)'cos I wasn't expectin' to live this long.
[She says it so matter of factly that it's like, duh, what other reason would there be?]
And I'm goin' off book now of the stuff I expected t'be doin'.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-11-22 05:15 pm (UTC)[Just in case she thinks that makes it less special. It doesn't.]
Ah. I see. I uh... I'm really glad that you haven't lost your life yet, for what it's worth.
I know it can be distressing when things don't go exactly where you planned for. Trust me on that. But I think it's better to look at it as an opportunity to explore and grow. Especially while you're here, a lot of new possibilities are open. You might discover something you never imagined for yourself. It's okay if you go off book. It really is.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-11-25 09:48 pm (UTC)Yeah, but, like...
Two of the other kids in my initiation group? Dead already. S'hard in the first three years from your change. I always thought if I hit twenty that that'd be a big thing 'cos then I'd properly be a proper adult? Like, when you ain't a teenager any more, people respect you more.
I've been thinkin' a lot about it.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-11-26 04:52 pm (UTC)[It's tempting to let the conversation linger on the comfortable topic of cakes and baking, but Max senses this is something that Ren truly needs someone to talk to about.]
I come from such a different way of life than you; I have to admit that. It breaks my heart to hear of people dying that young. It feels... unimaginable to me. But that's your reality...
That said, I remember what it was like to turn twenty. For me, that was the last year of my life before I got in with vampires. I was in school, and I didn't really feel all that grown-up yet, but people kept telling me I was a man now and I needed to act like it. I remember that it was very confusing for me.
Here's what I know about respect, though. Some people give it based on age, absolutely. But just turning a year older isn't all of it. Learning to act like someone worth respecting, that's important too. Just being older isn't enough on its own, or it shouldn't be. So, if you're looking for a goal, maybe that's what you can focus on. Being someone others can respect and look up to.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-11-29 09:33 pm (UTC)[Oh no. He's using the serious voice.]
But that's...
See, the problem I have is people respect different things. Even where I come from, different tribes got different opinions on what makes a person respect worthy. I should know. My pack is made up of all different tribes. Only me 'nd Colin are Fianna. What they all want from me as alpha is different. What they need from me is different too. I'm already so different to when I left home.
I've been tryin' to learn but learning but learning comes hard to me. [She laughs to herself.] I even...I did one of those dumb online courses? Y'know that the unis in America do? People management, 'cos fuck me, it's hard work to keep my pack from killin' each other.
None of it comes natural. I lose my temper a lot. Some things are unavoidable in that respect but...I am tryin'.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-12-03 06:33 pm (UTC)[He nods sagely at her response.]
Yeah, that's the trouble with people, isn't it? We're all so different. You're never going to be able to please everyone and certainly not all at once...no matter how hard you try.
[That's a lesson hard-learned on his part.]
I think you've already made more progress than you think you have, though. Listen to what you just said: what people need from you is different. If you can recognize that, you're already a lot closer to being a good leader than you think.
I can really tell you're putting your heart and your effort into it one hundred percent. That doesn't mean you won't make mistakes or butt heads with people, but I have no doubt your pack will see that effort and respect it. They'll see that you're dedicated to doing the bet by them. That's important. Even while you're growing into your own kind of leadership approach, if you keep the focus on supporting and listening to your clan's point of view, I really think you'll be okay.