As Max wraps around him Lucas finds it's suddenly hard to breathe, and worms his arms around Max in kind. For him, it's just a simple fact of life. This is the way it worked and he had the training to handle it, but the way Max holds him brings a familiar ache to his chest.
"It's my job," Lucas insists quietly. Selfless? He doesn't give it much thought and buries his face briefly into Max's chest. "It's nothing special, what else am I supposed to do with it? Taking up a boring old desk job?"
"You say it's a job like that's supposed to make me any less impressed?" Max puts a hand on Lucas' head, stroking his hair softly.
"As if it isn't a miracle that a man like you was born who can both do the job and sit there humbly saying 'what else was I supposed to do?' If you don't see how special that is then...I don't know what to tell you."
The real heroes, as far as Max has ever been concerned, are the ones who never think of themselves as one.
"You're the rarest type of man there is," he says, kissing Lucas' on his crown. "That's why I want you to stay around." Even if they can't be intimate at the moment, he never wants to lose this connection with Lucas. That, too, is something rare and special.
"I'm not," But any further protest dies on his lips as Max kisses his head. He wasn't special, or different. Wasn't his whole life spent trying to craft a facade of normalacy? It usually worked, sometimes too well.
Until he met Max.
"Dude, I'm not going anywhere," He clings just a little tighter. "There's nothing short of telling me to take a hike that will change that, okay? No matter what."
"You are," he whispers, holding Lucas tight to him. "But I don't mean because of your gift."
I love you.
The thought swirls in his mind. He should say it. But now isn't the time. Not when he's just told Lucas he won't be with him. That he can't for a while. This isn't the moment but...Now Max knows it's really true.
"No matter what," Max echoes.
He presses his lips to Lucas' head and leaves them there. speaking fondly against the man's hair.
"There is a memory I'd like you to have. Something I'd like you to know. Tell me when you're ready to see it?"
For a few moments Lucas simply holds tight, soaking in Max's heat, soaking the feel of the man around in down to the very last detail. He smiles as Max agrees with him. The trembling of his soul quelled at last.
They could get through this together, in time.
Truth be told Lucas is content to stay this way for a while longer, until Max speaks again. He smiles against the man's chest, nodding.
"Okay." Max thinks back to the memory he wants, the very last happy birthday he ever had. It was just five days before that disastrous party, and yet the emotions surrounding it couldn't be more different. He was so, so happy.
[Happy birthday to you~" His dad and sister's singing is about as pleasant as a cat's yowling to listen too, but it still puts a big smile on his face.
"Now, I know it's not going to impress mister big-time chef-to-be over here," his dad is saying as he lowered a frosted hunk that's supposed to be a cake down in front of Max. "But, just imagine this is how your decorating would turn out after a whole night of drinking, huh?"
The blue buttermilk icing is unevenly distributed over the cake top, with writing on top of that in royal blue that reads 'Happy 21st Birthday Jonah!' There are plastic beer bottle stuck all over the cake and, at the top, a set of plastic costume glasses shaped like beer mugs. He can see himself in the weird yellow reflection. He has a smile so wide it's threatening to leap off his round face.
"Aaaaand," his dad is saying proudly, "we can't forget to light the candles. But, oh no! I forgot my lighter. I guess we'll just have to use this instead."
His dad reaches under the table and comes back up with a butane kitchen torch, a top-of-the-line one, just like the kind he'd seen in that chef magazine.
"Oh my god! You didn't?" His hands clap together with excitement.
"Why don't you do the honors, Jo?" His dad hands over the torch.
"Just don't burn the whole house down," his sister Jennifer teases. She makes a big show of stepping back from him and the flame.
He fires up the torch and sits there admiring it for a moment, in awe of such a wonderful gift. Then he turns it to the candles and lights them up, accidentally melting half of them away in the process. "Oops."
"Guess that's why you still need to be in school," his father jokes. "Go ahead, blow them out and make a wish."
"I don't know what else I have to wish for," he says, hovering over the candles. Maybe snow for Christmas, he thinks. Then he blows them all out, to the applause of his sister and dad.
"Okay," his dad says, clapping him on the shoulder. "Now that you've made it all the way to manhood, it's time for you to have that first drink with me. I save this for only the most special of occasions."
His dad fills two shot glasses with a strange clear alcohol that has little golden flakes in it. Then offers one to his son to take.
"Can I have some too?" Jennifer asks. The blond eyes those glasses with jealousy. But dad shakes his head.
"Awww," she pouts.
They lift their now full shot glasses. His dad makes a toast. "No matter how far life will carry you, be it here or maybe all the way to Paris, I want you to remember one thing: I could never be more proud of you, son. Happy birthday."
He drinks and instantly sputters at the sting of the alcohol, stronger than anything he's ever tasted. He uses that as the excuse for why his eyes are suddenly watering so much. Just the alcohol. Definitely. He's not crying...]
Instantly Lucas is smiling as the memory plays out. Max, Jonah, is so happy, untouched by events yet to come. It's easy to get swept up in that joy, wrap himself in it. The sorry attempt at a cake even gets a muted chuckle while Lucas basks in every little moment.
His own birthdays were just as quiet, but his Mom made no less of an effort than Max's family. The connection makes the memory more dear, with a pang of homesickness that's bittersweet, tears stinging at the corners of his eyes.
The present, the torch that would save - condemn? - his life a few days later. What a gift, and one that Jonah's father would never know had changed so much.
It's the toast that does Lucas in. He never had a father figure growing up and to hear the pride in Mr. Lewis's voice cracked what little resolve he has left. Smiling bright while tears finally slip free and roll down his cheeks.
"...Thank you," He manages to croak out, blinking away the reading so he can better look up to Max again.
That smile is worth everything to Max. It's more precious than all the gold in the world. To think... a memory of his put it there? Now Max aches to see it the way Lucas is seeing it. One day. One day they will.
Max strokes the tear away from Lucas' cheek with his thumb, cupping the man's face. "No. Thank you. For sticking by me through all this. And for trusting me, even knowing what you know."
"No way you're getting rid of me now," Lucas chuckles and it catches in his lungs as a hiccup. God, he can't stop crying now even though he wants to, but he's still smiling. The memory is so precious, just like Max. More than anything else, Lucas wants the man to know this somehow. Someday.
I love you.
The words almost spill free, but he holds them back. It'll make things too complicated and Max doesn't need that now. Just time, Lucas hopes, and time together. Instead reaches up to cup Max's hands, squeezing them.
"Like I said, you got me no matter what." And it's a promise he's going to keep.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2020-09-21 02:54 pm (UTC)"It's my job," Lucas insists quietly. Selfless? He doesn't give it much thought and buries his face briefly into Max's chest. "It's nothing special, what else am I supposed to do with it? Taking up a boring old desk job?"
No way in hell.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-09-21 03:05 pm (UTC)"As if it isn't a miracle that a man like you was born who can both do the job and sit there humbly saying 'what else was I supposed to do?' If you don't see how special that is then...I don't know what to tell you."
The real heroes, as far as Max has ever been concerned, are the ones who never think of themselves as one.
"You're the rarest type of man there is," he says, kissing Lucas' on his crown. "That's why I want you to stay around." Even if they can't be intimate at the moment, he never wants to lose this connection with Lucas. That, too, is something rare and special.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-09-21 05:55 pm (UTC)Until he met Max.
"Dude, I'm not going anywhere," He clings just a little tighter. "There's nothing short of telling me to take a hike that will change that, okay? No matter what."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-09-22 01:16 am (UTC)I love you.
The thought swirls in his mind. He should say it. But now isn't the time. Not when he's just told Lucas he won't be with him. That he can't for a while. This isn't the moment but...Now Max knows it's really true.
"No matter what," Max echoes.
He presses his lips to Lucas' head and leaves them there. speaking fondly against the man's hair.
"There is a memory I'd like you to have. Something I'd like you to know. Tell me when you're ready to see it?"
(no subject)
Date: 2020-09-22 04:10 am (UTC)They could get through this together, in time.
Truth be told Lucas is content to stay this way for a while longer, until Max speaks again. He smiles against the man's chest, nodding.
"I'd like to...I'm ready, when you are. Okay?"
(no subject)
Date: 2020-09-23 08:22 pm (UTC)[Happy birthday to you~" His dad and sister's singing is about as pleasant as a cat's yowling to listen too, but it still puts a big smile on his face.
"Now, I know it's not going to impress mister big-time chef-to-be over here," his dad is saying as he lowered a frosted hunk that's supposed to be a cake down in front of Max. "But, just imagine this is how your decorating would turn out after a whole night of drinking, huh?"
The blue buttermilk icing is unevenly distributed over the cake top, with writing on top of that in royal blue that reads 'Happy 21st Birthday Jonah!' There are plastic beer bottle stuck all over the cake and, at the top, a set of plastic costume glasses shaped like beer mugs. He can see himself in the weird yellow reflection. He has a smile so wide it's threatening to leap off his round face.
"Aaaaand," his dad is saying proudly, "we can't forget to light the candles. But, oh no! I forgot my lighter. I guess we'll just have to use this instead."
His dad reaches under the table and comes back up with a butane kitchen torch, a top-of-the-line one, just like the kind he'd seen in that chef magazine.
"Oh my god! You didn't?" His hands clap together with excitement.
"Why don't you do the honors, Jo?" His dad hands over the torch.
"Just don't burn the whole house down," his sister Jennifer teases. She makes a big show of stepping back from him and the flame.
He fires up the torch and sits there admiring it for a moment, in awe of such a wonderful gift. Then he turns it to the candles and lights them up, accidentally melting half of them away in the process. "Oops."
"Guess that's why you still need to be in school," his father jokes. "Go ahead, blow them out and make a wish."
"I don't know what else I have to wish for," he says, hovering over the candles. Maybe snow for Christmas, he thinks. Then he blows them all out, to the applause of his sister and dad.
"Okay," his dad says, clapping him on the shoulder. "Now that you've made it all the way to manhood, it's time for you to have that first drink with me. I save this for only the most special of occasions."
His dad fills two shot glasses with a strange clear alcohol that has little golden flakes in it. Then offers one to his son to take.
"Can I have some too?" Jennifer asks. The blond eyes those glasses with jealousy. But dad shakes his head.
"Awww," she pouts.
They lift their now full shot glasses. His dad makes a toast. "No matter how far life will carry you, be it here or maybe all the way to Paris, I want you to remember one thing: I could never be more proud of you, son. Happy birthday."
He drinks and instantly sputters at the sting of the alcohol, stronger than anything he's ever tasted. He uses that as the excuse for why his eyes are suddenly watering so much. Just the alcohol. Definitely. He's not crying...]
(no subject)
Date: 2020-09-26 03:19 pm (UTC)His own birthdays were just as quiet, but his Mom made no less of an effort than Max's family. The connection makes the memory more dear, with a pang of homesickness that's bittersweet, tears stinging at the corners of his eyes.
The present, the torch that would save - condemn? - his life a few days later. What a gift, and one that Jonah's father would never know had changed so much.
It's the toast that does Lucas in. He never had a father figure growing up and to hear the pride in Mr. Lewis's voice cracked what little resolve he has left. Smiling bright while tears finally slip free and roll down his cheeks.
"...Thank you," He manages to croak out, blinking away the reading so he can better look up to Max again.
getting close to wrapping this one too maybe?
Date: 2020-09-27 08:21 pm (UTC)Max strokes the tear away from Lucas' cheek with his thumb, cupping the man's face. "No. Thank you. For sticking by me through all this. And for trusting me, even knowing what you know."
Yeah good to wind down!
Date: 2020-09-27 10:39 pm (UTC)I love you.
The words almost spill free, but he holds them back. It'll make things too complicated and Max doesn't need that now. Just time, Lucas hopes, and time together. Instead reaches up to cup Max's hands, squeezing them.
"Like I said, you got me no matter what." And it's a promise he's going to keep.