Max looks very confused until Pyotr comes out and admits that last part. Ah... it's sliding into place now. Is this a lover's quarrel? Did Erik break his heart? He shouldn't laugh, but he's just a little bit giddy with relief. Thank fuck it's not what he thought at first.
He sighing in resignation as he witnesses the destruction of a perfectly good muffin but, hey, if he needs to do it to feel better then Max will, grudgingly, forgive it.
Speaking of forgiveness? How does he even begin to answer that question? He couldn't trace those steps backwards even if he tried. Still, Pyotr looks so desperate. He'll try to give his best answer.
"I... had to... think hard about it. I had to kind of pick apart why things happened and why I was upset and it all felt like a big blurry mess in my head for a really long time. But people helped me by listening, and showing me that I had a right to feel that way. When he showed up again, I had Valdis go with me to confront him and I told him how I really felt.
"After that I took some time away from him, too. But I... I realized I do still love him like a member of my family and I didn't want to not talk to him ever again. So we started talking in public places first. He apologized for the things he did that were wrong. And he's been making sure his actions reflect his promise to me ever since. So. That's how we got to where we are now." It was almost a year of work from both sides--worth it in Max's eyes, but it didn't happen overnight.
"I don't love him," Pyotr says slowly. "It wasn't that kind of --" Not a relationship, more of a -- "Arrangement. But being with him...when we were together, the things he did to me made existence more bearable." There's no shame or embarrassment for him in admitting this; for Pyotr, sex very quickly became a boring and stale cliche, of no interest to him -- until Erik. He is the exception to the rule in so very many ways...and there lies the embarrassment. That this matters so much to him, that he cares. That he...misses it.
"He promised to kill me," he mutters. "But every time we were together, he merely rendered me unconscious instead. Perhaps that seems a small thing to you, something I should even be grateful for. But it's not what I asked for, and he...he agreed. He lied to me. If nothing else, surely you can understand my humiliation. And yet..."
He groans, rubbing his head in frustration. "And yet...the deaths were fake, but the sensations, the emotions they stirred...those were real. I don't know how I am to get by without them."
"He lied to you about something important. I understand why you're upset." Even if he is secretly proud of Erik for not killing the man, it was still wrong to promise something and deliver trickery instead.
"Erik should have been honest with you, and I'm sorry he wasn't. But... you know you don't have to love him to feel like this, right? Not every relationship has to be that to be meaningful, and it does sound like what he was doing for you had more meaning than just, you know, business."
There are so many other ways to care about someone. Max can't help but think, with a reaction like this, that Pyotr was probably more than just a client to Erik. Maybe he's wrong, but he doesn't think he is.
"What do you think it would take for you to forgive him?"
"I really don't know." His lack of experience is telling -- but Max's approach is starting to work. Pyotr is at least thinking about it now, considering Max's words...and how they made him feel.
"At the very least," he says slowly, "I would appreciate real acknowledgement from him that he did wrong. I don't want to hear any more excuses related to his 'personal journey,'" the words, coming from him, drip with scorn, "Or whatever he wishes someone had once done for him. I'm not him, I will never be him." He groans, burying his face in one hand; even that faint show of pique is exhausting. "I wish he had just given me a plain 'no' and left me be, rather than entangling us both in all these dramatics."
"Not sure what he said or did exactly," Max cautions, as the plot only seems to thicken. Personal journey? What? Okay, so these two were definitely some kind of item. He's going to have to talk to Erik about this now, isn't he?
"But I do think that's a very reasonable ask. You want him to prove he knows what he did was wrong, so he won't do it again. He should apologize to you properly. What then? Would you want him to still leave you alone indefinitely, or would you want to try keeping things light between you for a while, mostly when you initiate?" Max kind of hopes it's the second one because that's a lot less awkward at holiday gatherings, but he won't try to influence one way or the other.
"No, I've had enough of him ignoring me," Pyotr says flatly. But, well aware of the irony, he adds, "But I suppose you'd call it unfair if I said I wanted to go on being an angry a while longer, with him there to see it? It's not that I want to make him my punching bag, it just..."
He groans faintly, frustrated with himself. Is saying what he thinks really so difficult? "It doesn't feel finished yet," he finally explains. "He walked away from me before either of us could reach catharsis. I feel as though...If we could just have it out properly, we'd understand each other better, and everything else would follow."
"If you want to have a real conversation about it, I think that's okay, but if all you want to do is keep yelling at him that won't really help." But Max can understand feeling like there's still things left unsaid. Erik might even feel the same.
"I'm really sorry, but I have to ask: how sure are you that he wants to... talk with you?"
The question surprises him; the blank look he gives Max makes that plain. "I suppose I'm not," he finally admits. "But why wouldn't he? I know he must be just as satisfied with the current state of our affairs as I am."
"I don't know either. I mean, he's probably upset about how things ended too, but he might think you really don't ever want to see him again so he's trying to stay away out of respect. That's what he was doing for me until I told him he didn't really need to avoid me like that when I caught him trying to leave the store out the back when I walked in. I think he kind of falls into doing that when he knows he fucked up but he doesn't know what to do to make it better."
"So it falls to me to get the two of us talking again," Pyotr sighs -- but then he throws a speculative glance Max's way. "Unless you'd perhaps be willing to act as an intermediary for us?"
Uh oh. Max doesn't like that look. Nope. Not at all.
"Me?? Oh, no no, I don't know. Erik and me have way too much history that might get in the way. And, um, you'd probably have to tell me more about what happened between you so I don't know if you really want that."
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(no subject)
Date: 2025-07-01 09:24 pm (UTC)He sighing in resignation as he witnesses the destruction of a perfectly good muffin but, hey, if he needs to do it to feel better then Max will, grudgingly, forgive it.
Speaking of forgiveness? How does he even begin to answer that question? He couldn't trace those steps backwards even if he tried. Still, Pyotr looks so desperate. He'll try to give his best answer.
"I... had to... think hard about it. I had to kind of pick apart why things happened and why I was upset and it all felt like a big blurry mess in my head for a really long time. But people helped me by listening, and showing me that I had a right to feel that way. When he showed up again, I had Valdis go with me to confront him and I told him how I really felt.
"After that I took some time away from him, too. But I... I realized I do still love him like a member of my family and I didn't want to not talk to him ever again. So we started talking in public places first. He apologized for the things he did that were wrong. And he's been making sure his actions reflect his promise to me ever since. So. That's how we got to where we are now." It was almost a year of work from both sides--worth it in Max's eyes, but it didn't happen overnight.
"I don't know if that really helps you?"
(no subject)
Date: 2025-07-10 08:18 pm (UTC)"I don't love him," Pyotr says slowly. "It wasn't that kind of --" Not a relationship, more of a -- "Arrangement. But being with him...when we were together, the things he did to me made existence more bearable." There's no shame or embarrassment for him in admitting this; for Pyotr, sex very quickly became a boring and stale cliche, of no interest to him -- until Erik. He is the exception to the rule in so very many ways...and there lies the embarrassment. That this matters so much to him, that he cares. That he...misses it.
"He promised to kill me," he mutters. "But every time we were together, he merely rendered me unconscious instead. Perhaps that seems a small thing to you, something I should even be grateful for. But it's not what I asked for, and he...he agreed. He lied to me. If nothing else, surely you can understand my humiliation. And yet..."
He groans, rubbing his head in frustration. "And yet...the deaths were fake, but the sensations, the emotions they stirred...those were real. I don't know how I am to get by without them."
(no subject)
Date: 2025-07-18 12:07 am (UTC)"Erik should have been honest with you, and I'm sorry he wasn't. But... you know you don't have to love him to feel like this, right? Not every relationship has to be that to be meaningful, and it does sound like what he was doing for you had more meaning than just, you know, business."
There are so many other ways to care about someone. Max can't help but think, with a reaction like this, that Pyotr was probably more than just a client to Erik. Maybe he's wrong, but he doesn't think he is.
"What do you think it would take for you to forgive him?"
(no subject)
Date: 2025-07-21 07:36 pm (UTC)"At the very least," he says slowly, "I would appreciate real acknowledgement from him that he did wrong. I don't want to hear any more excuses related to his 'personal journey,'" the words, coming from him, drip with scorn, "Or whatever he wishes someone had once done for him. I'm not him, I will never be him." He groans, burying his face in one hand; even that faint show of pique is exhausting. "I wish he had just given me a plain 'no' and left me be, rather than entangling us both in all these dramatics."
(no subject)
Date: 2025-07-25 03:32 am (UTC)"But I do think that's a very reasonable ask. You want him to prove he knows what he did was wrong, so he won't do it again. He should apologize to you properly. What then? Would you want him to still leave you alone indefinitely, or would you want to try keeping things light between you for a while, mostly when you initiate?" Max kind of hopes it's the second one because that's a lot less awkward at holiday gatherings, but he won't try to influence one way or the other.
(no subject)
Date: 2025-07-28 06:55 pm (UTC)He groans faintly, frustrated with himself. Is saying what he thinks really so difficult? "It doesn't feel finished yet," he finally explains. "He walked away from me before either of us could reach catharsis. I feel as though...If we could just have it out properly, we'd understand each other better, and everything else would follow."
(no subject)
Date: 2025-07-29 02:30 pm (UTC)"I'm really sorry, but I have to ask: how sure are you that he wants to... talk with you?"
(no subject)
Date: 2025-08-04 08:42 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2025-08-08 03:43 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2025-08-09 10:08 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2025-08-14 09:23 pm (UTC)"Me?? Oh, no no, I don't know. Erik and me have way too much history that might get in the way. And, um, you'd probably have to tell me more about what happened between you so I don't know if you really want that."