"I mean, there are good people at home. Really good people, trying their best in a world that ain't all that friendly." Marcus doesn't want to give the impression that his world is a hellhole, even if his own life is... not the most cheerful.
"I dunno, I haven't gotten the impression it's all about the pants." He chuckles. "Maybe your second one's closer. Or maybe it's just because there's no overpowering need to be an arse. No resources to fight over, no land to claim. We're all on more or less the same footing. It's easy to be kind." And that's not a bad thing. The world would be a better place if kindness was easier to reach for more people. He smiles at Max. "Which doesn't make it any less worthwhile. I can tell you really put in the effort."
"There are good people in my world too. Sorry, not trying to imply otherwise at all. You take the good and the bad, right?" Max just figures the two of them have probably seen a lot of bad given their professions.
"Could be. All of us got here the same way and we arrived with nothing. That's humbling. And when all your needs are accommodated and they hold out a promise to you that you can have anything, perfect health, even magic, well..." he shrugs. Yes. It is easy to be kind. Which doesn't make it any less meaningful. There are still a few people who stubbornly resist it, even here.
"Thank you. I care a lot about the people here. But, a little bit of it is selfish, too. I didn't have much in the way of friends for a long time. I'm enjoying that change. That party was... something I'd never be able to have if I wasn't here."
He clears his throat. "Ah, sorry. I'm starting to get all weepy. No need to bring the mood down like that. Besides," he winks at Marcus, "I actually do really enjoy the uh... mission statement of this place. So many pants to get into, so little time. And I'm not at all picky~"
"No, no, I've got you." Marcus has seen... a lot of bad. He tries to find the good where he can - the love of a mother, a nun giving him a theological smack upside the head, a priest passionate enough to get under his skin. It doesn't outweigh the bad, but it gives him enough ammunition to fight it.
"I dunno if you can reckon loving your friends as being properly selfish. Sounds a bit dodgy to me, you might have to accept you're just nice." He grins at him and licks a bit of chocolate off his lip.
Max's wink makes him laugh, then look down, a bit... is it bashful? Marcus? Possibly. "And then there's me, who doesn't even know where to start. Apparently a lifetime of celibacy isn't that easy to get away from."
Max sighs theatrically. "I guess." But, he can't keep a smile from splitting his face. He likes being called nice.
That reaction from Marcus sure has caught his interest, though. Max is tempted to tease him as revenge for the charcoal burgers. But, then there's also something too vulnerable about it. Too sincere for Max to pick on.
"No, I imagine that's a pretty big change too."
Max considers it a moment. He likes Marcus. Likes him a lot. But, perhaps Marcus isn't, well, into men. He's catholic after all. Always a risk. But what harm is there in gently offering? If Marcus would even want to trust him with being his first.
"I guess the most immediate questions I'd start with are... do you want to have sex? And, with who?"
Marcus glances up, his smile crooked. "Oh, I've got a pretty good idea of my own tastes and all that. I've been looking at the menu, I just haven't ordered."
He's plucking at his pant leg, staring at the tattoo on his right hand - a double circle, or close enough. "I mean, obviously it hasn't been easy, the Church isn't a fan of homosexuality but they were kind of past the return policy on me by the time I figured all that out. And I haven't broken my vows." Ugh, he's rambling. He shakes his head and looks ruefully at Max. "Sorry, I don't mean to let it all out on you."
Max chuckles softly. Looking at the menu, that's a good one. And there's some relief for Max too to find out he's on that menu. Though, his expression turns sympathetic as he imagines what grief that might have been for the man.
"Hey, it's okay. I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to listen. It'll stay just between us; you don't have to worry about that."
He slides his hand forward on the table, offering it out palm up for Marcus.
"When I first got here I had some issues to work through too. Not the same kind as you. But, they were related to sex. My friends here have been instrumental in helping me through it. And I'm so grateful to them. I'd also be happy to help you, too. I can follow their example."
"Pay it forward, huh?" He eyes Max's hand and puts his own bony, slightly charcoal-smudged one out to rest on it lightly. The contact is warm and... strange. He doesn't touch a lot of people, not like this.
"I know most priests don't get ordained until, uh, late twenties, early thirties. They get a chance to get some experimentation in. I got my collar when I was eighteen, I was on a bit of a... non-traditional route. So, not so much of a chance to sow my wild oats." He huffs a bit. "Which is a very roundabout way of saying I've never had a chance to, uh, pop my cherry." He knows that's not a thing for men, he's done the reading. It's just strange to straight up say he's a virgin.
Max's hand gently closes on Marcus's. His palm is callused from lifting weights consistently, but his fingers are otherwise smooth. He could almost be a hand model.
At that admission, Max gives him a warm squeeze. "You don't need to be embarrassed about that. Although, it makes a lot of sense why you would be struggling with this now. Some people attach a lot of value to their first time."
"I never thought I'd have one, you know. And I was fine with that, honestly, at least most of the time. I... it was really important to me to keep my vows. I promised." The last part comes out more vulnerable, softer than he'd have liked. He'd made a promise to God and that was the most important promise that he could think of - God wasn't just some far off, remote figure to him. Marcus had seen Him. Marcus had heard Him. Nothing else could measure up to that.
And of course there was the consideration that if he'd broken his vows, every demon he ever met would throw it in his face. It was a weakness he couldn't afford. Sure, he'd had moments of temptation, who didn't? But the resistance of them was the part that mattered.
"I suppose this is how a bird feels, when you let it out of its cage outside. No bloody idea where to go, or what that big open space above it is." He chuckled, squeezing Max's hand. It is a nice hand. Big, warm, friendly. Like Max himself.
Max places his other hand on top of Marcus's. That vulnerability really tugs at him, makes him want to pull the man in for a hug instead.
"This is a big change. And it's happening pretty fast. It's obvious your vows have been a really important part of who you are. And for so long.
"I know you've been released from them now, but it really sounds like that wasn't a choice you willingly made. So, maybe the key for you is the choice. You can make this one for yourself. And you shouldn't let the Fae force it on you. If you need things with favor, I've got a lot I can spare. If it gives you time to decide, then I'm happy to help."
Marcus takes a deep breath. He's still not quite looking at Max, though he darts the occasional half-anxious glance like he's expecting to get yelled at or cut off. "Yeah. I... I wouldn't have given it up. It was... hard, for a while." That was putting it mildly. "But I never wanted excommunication. It's... all that I was. I wasn't anything else." He'd been the Church's weapon, aimed at the demons, and that had been fine. He'd had a purpose and that was all he needed. "I was the gun, and the Church was the hand." He pulls his hand away to show the double circle tattoo - not just circles when you look at it closely, but the business end of a gun barrel, a faded stick-and-poke piece he did himself years before.
While he has his hand free he'll grab another cookie. Carbs are good. "I'm not gonna let them force me. If I want to get laid, I'll manage it somehow." His smile's a bit watery and more than a bit sardonic, but it's real enough. "There's... a couple of things I might want. But it's nothing urgent. You don't need to put yourself out for me."
What glances Marcus manages to catch of Max will show nothing but a sympathetic look to match the rest of Max's tone. His expression draws in more when he sees that tattoo, and recognizes it for what it's meant to depict. He wants to ask if the church gave him that, but isn't sure if the question would be upsetting.
"I promise, you wouldn't be putting me out. The offer is a genuine one. And it will always stand."
He worries his bottom lip between his teeth a moment, deciding if he wants to make this next offer. The way Marcus said it... he'll manage, somehow. Well. Max could help with that too.
"Marcus... don't take this as some kind of pity or... well, you know. I'm just going to lay this on the table, is all."
Max is the one looking slightly anxious now. "If you wanted to give it a try with me, I'd really enjoy it."
"Yeah?" Marcus takes a bite of cookie and looks Max up and down, considering. Max was pretty close to exactly on the money for him, and he's definitely noticed that before - he likes them tall, and the muscles are nice. Even the light touch of scruff (though a beard would have worked too). He's not sure what a guy like that would want with a scarecrow like him, but... he's thinking about it.
At least he can tell Max is sincere, and it really isn't just pity. He smiles, nudging Max's calf with his toe. "I'll think about it. Dunno if I'm... ready yet."
It's nice to get an offer, at least. Makes a guy feel wanted.
"Yeah." Max's smile is warm and inviting, even while he knows he's being appraised.
Marcus should really give himself more credit, too. Scarecrow isn't the word Max would use. Regardless, attraction has always been less about aesthetics for Max and more about liking the person underneath. He likes Marcus a lot.
"That's all right. Like I said, you should take as long as you want. No need to rush."
And, because Max really can't stand not to anymore, he gets up and comes around to Marcus, so he can start to pull the man into a hug.
Marcus lets Max pull him in and wraps his arms around him in return, holding on tight. It's been a while since hugged anyone, he's not sure he even remembers the last person he hugged. And by hug standards, this is a great one - Max's arms are strong and warm and he's tall enough that Marcus doesn't have to lean down but not so tall that Marcus is suffocated in his shoulder.
He closes his eyes and sinks into it for a moment, but when he feels his breath hitch threateningly in his throat he pulls back. He's not gonna cry just from getting a hug. He has some dignity. "Right. Uh. I'll let you know."
Max will politely pretend that he didn't hear that hitch of breath. How long has it been since Marcus had anyone comfort him like this, Max wonders, if a hug is enough to choke his poor friend up? Doesn't matter, because Max is determined to make sure it's not that long between them anymore after this.
For now, he pulls away with a little chuckle. "Day or night, just a tome call away. Or, you can always wait here having a snack until I get home." Max grins and grabs another cookie for himself.
"Dark chocolate is a good way to get in the mood."
Marcus can't help a bit of a laugh. "Oh, it'll probably be the latter. Never been much for prior warning." Popping up unexpectedly is one of Marcus's greatest joys in life. No one is safe.
He'll scoop up one last cookie and wave with it. "I'll be off, then. See you 'round, Max."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-23 01:21 am (UTC)"I dunno, I haven't gotten the impression it's all about the pants." He chuckles. "Maybe your second one's closer. Or maybe it's just because there's no overpowering need to be an arse. No resources to fight over, no land to claim. We're all on more or less the same footing. It's easy to be kind." And that's not a bad thing. The world would be a better place if kindness was easier to reach for more people. He smiles at Max. "Which doesn't make it any less worthwhile. I can tell you really put in the effort."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-23 01:47 am (UTC)"Could be. All of us got here the same way and we arrived with nothing. That's humbling. And when all your needs are accommodated and they hold out a promise to you that you can have anything, perfect health, even magic, well..." he shrugs. Yes. It is easy to be kind. Which doesn't make it any less meaningful. There are still a few people who stubbornly resist it, even here.
"Thank you. I care a lot about the people here. But, a little bit of it is selfish, too. I didn't have much in the way of friends for a long time. I'm enjoying that change. That party was... something I'd never be able to have if I wasn't here."
He clears his throat. "Ah, sorry. I'm starting to get all weepy. No need to bring the mood down like that. Besides," he winks at Marcus, "I actually do really enjoy the uh... mission statement of this place. So many pants to get into, so little time. And I'm not at all picky~"
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-23 01:56 am (UTC)"I dunno if you can reckon loving your friends as being properly selfish. Sounds a bit dodgy to me, you might have to accept you're just nice." He grins at him and licks a bit of chocolate off his lip.
Max's wink makes him laugh, then look down, a bit... is it bashful? Marcus? Possibly. "And then there's me, who doesn't even know where to start. Apparently a lifetime of celibacy isn't that easy to get away from."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-23 02:11 am (UTC)That reaction from Marcus sure has caught his interest, though. Max is tempted to tease him as revenge for the charcoal burgers. But, then there's also something too vulnerable about it. Too sincere for Max to pick on.
"No, I imagine that's a pretty big change too."
Max considers it a moment. He likes Marcus. Likes him a lot. But, perhaps Marcus isn't, well, into men. He's catholic after all. Always a risk. But what harm is there in gently offering? If Marcus would even want to trust him with being his first.
"I guess the most immediate questions I'd start with are... do you want to have sex? And, with who?"
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-23 02:25 am (UTC)He's plucking at his pant leg, staring at the tattoo on his right hand - a double circle, or close enough. "I mean, obviously it hasn't been easy, the Church isn't a fan of homosexuality but they were kind of past the return policy on me by the time I figured all that out. And I haven't broken my vows." Ugh, he's rambling. He shakes his head and looks ruefully at Max. "Sorry, I don't mean to let it all out on you."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-23 02:37 am (UTC)"Hey, it's okay. I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to listen. It'll stay just between us; you don't have to worry about that."
He slides his hand forward on the table, offering it out palm up for Marcus.
"When I first got here I had some issues to work through too. Not the same kind as you. But, they were related to sex. My friends here have been instrumental in helping me through it. And I'm so grateful to them. I'd also be happy to help you, too. I can follow their example."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-23 03:19 am (UTC)"I know most priests don't get ordained until, uh, late twenties, early thirties. They get a chance to get some experimentation in. I got my collar when I was eighteen, I was on a bit of a... non-traditional route. So, not so much of a chance to sow my wild oats." He huffs a bit. "Which is a very roundabout way of saying I've never had a chance to, uh, pop my cherry." He knows that's not a thing for men, he's done the reading. It's just strange to straight up say he's a virgin.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-23 03:42 am (UTC)Max's hand gently closes on Marcus's. His palm is callused from lifting weights consistently, but his fingers are otherwise smooth. He could almost be a hand model.
At that admission, Max gives him a warm squeeze. "You don't need to be embarrassed about that. Although, it makes a lot of sense why you would be struggling with this now. Some people attach a lot of value to their first time."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-26 03:33 pm (UTC)And of course there was the consideration that if he'd broken his vows, every demon he ever met would throw it in his face. It was a weakness he couldn't afford. Sure, he'd had moments of temptation, who didn't? But the resistance of them was the part that mattered.
"I suppose this is how a bird feels, when you let it out of its cage outside. No bloody idea where to go, or what that big open space above it is." He chuckled, squeezing Max's hand. It is a nice hand. Big, warm, friendly. Like Max himself.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-26 05:27 pm (UTC)"This is a big change. And it's happening pretty fast. It's obvious your vows have been a really important part of who you are. And for so long.
"I know you've been released from them now, but it really sounds like that wasn't a choice you willingly made. So, maybe the key for you is the choice. You can make this one for yourself. And you shouldn't let the Fae force it on you. If you need things with favor, I've got a lot I can spare. If it gives you time to decide, then I'm happy to help."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-26 06:14 pm (UTC)While he has his hand free he'll grab another cookie. Carbs are good. "I'm not gonna let them force me. If I want to get laid, I'll manage it somehow." His smile's a bit watery and more than a bit sardonic, but it's real enough. "There's... a couple of things I might want. But it's nothing urgent. You don't need to put yourself out for me."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-26 06:45 pm (UTC)"I promise, you wouldn't be putting me out. The offer is a genuine one. And it will always stand."
He worries his bottom lip between his teeth a moment, deciding if he wants to make this next offer. The way Marcus said it... he'll manage, somehow. Well. Max could help with that too.
"Marcus... don't take this as some kind of pity or... well, you know. I'm just going to lay this on the table, is all."
Max is the one looking slightly anxious now. "If you wanted to give it a try with me, I'd really enjoy it."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-26 08:15 pm (UTC)At least he can tell Max is sincere, and it really isn't just pity. He smiles, nudging Max's calf with his toe. "I'll think about it. Dunno if I'm... ready yet."
It's nice to get an offer, at least. Makes a guy feel wanted.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-26 08:53 pm (UTC)Marcus should really give himself more credit, too. Scarecrow isn't the word Max would use. Regardless, attraction has always been less about aesthetics for Max and more about liking the person underneath. He likes Marcus a lot.
"That's all right. Like I said, you should take as long as you want. No need to rush."
And, because Max really can't stand not to anymore, he gets up and comes around to Marcus, so he can start to pull the man into a hug.
"Don't worry too much. You'll get there."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-26 09:17 pm (UTC)He closes his eyes and sinks into it for a moment, but when he feels his breath hitch threateningly in his throat he pulls back. He's not gonna cry just from getting a hug. He has some dignity. "Right. Uh. I'll let you know."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-27 12:27 am (UTC)For now, he pulls away with a little chuckle. "Day or night, just a tome call away. Or, you can always wait here having a snack until I get home." Max grins and grabs another cookie for himself.
"Dark chocolate is a good way to get in the mood."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-27 12:38 am (UTC)He'll scoop up one last cookie and wave with it. "I'll be off, then. See you 'round, Max."