"Yeah, it -- yeah." She sighs ruefully. "I know it's a lot. So--
"They held us for a while. I don't know how long, exactly, but long enough that Luc wasn't doing well. None of us were. So one night, we ran. Uh, I'm pretty fast, so I went one direction to distract the goblins, and Yeza took Luc and went the other way. And it worked, they got away. But I didn't."
She hesitates a moment, sorting her thoughts, bracing herself for the next part.
"So. They caught me. I fought back, I had some acid on me and I threw it in their leader's face, but they caught me, and they didn't -- like that. And the leader's, uh, wife, I guess, she took me to this woman, this magic-user, and they -- drowned me. In the river. And I blacked out, and I woke up." She stretches her hands out in front of her, green and clawed. "I woke up like this."
His eyes are beginning to shine with the first hint of tears by the time she gets to "But I didn't" and as she keeps going, right to the bitter end of her story, one urge overwhelms all others.
He flings himself at her, arms wide, to pull her into a hug.
"I don't know if you want to hear this but... I'm so sorry. You made such a huge sacrifice. And you've been dealing with this alone? All this time?"
The hug catches her off guard, and she goes stiff for half a second before relaxing into it.
"Yyyyes? It's -- it's weird because Caleb and Beau, when I got here, they already knew. But I hadn't told them, so it was like, I don't know, like they knew a different person. Two different people, the Nott who told them and Veth, and neither of them was me? Gods, that sounds stupid."
"No. It's not stupid. It's confusing and complicated. And, if you think about it... you didn't really get to reveal this to them on your own terms. Not the you that you are right now."
He's not letting her go for at least another half a minute. So, his next question will be slightly muffled in her shoulder.
"What does this mean for you here? Do you still want to be called Nott? Or, should I use Veth?"
"I don't know, honestly." A sigh. "I don't even know if it's something the fae would fix. Caleb says we figure it out back home, eventually. And if they wanted to see me fuckin' people like that, why wouldn't they have kidnapped me then?"
"Hmmm." Max considers it. The fae very well could have taken her at that time before. But, would she have been less willing to participate with a husband and kid at home?
"A lot of people come here when they've got less to lose by doing what the fae want. Doesn't it seem that way? As Nott you've got a lot more to gain by trying to earn favor, don't you? It feels like they take from people what they would do anything to get back. So, I don't know, maybe that's the game. Either way, I think it matters more what you want for yourself. If you want to be Veth then I'll do anything in my power to help you achieve it. I'm sure others will too."
He's looking at her, dead serious. She deserves to feel at home in her own skin. He knows, after living with Rowan for so long, watching their struggle, that it's easier said than done. But he's willing to help her on the journey.
"Caleb is good with magic, right? Or, hell, we could go ask Jackie to use their flesh changing ability on you. I've seen them do some amazing things with it. I have a good report with Jackie, I'm sure they'd agree to help if they can."
Max is still surprised sometimes by how much more he knows of Jackie than most. But, logically he shouldn't be since the vampire... well, ex-vampire, keeps to themselves a lot.
"They are very talented with it. I know for a fact they've helped some people with very complicated requests." Rowan, for one, but Max isn't going to name any names.
"And they offered to completely remove the brand on my neck for me. I turned them down, but they could have done it without leaving a trace."
"I'll ... I'll think about that," Nott replies slowly. Every time the actual offer comes up, the idea that she might actually be able to fix this, the enormity of it all makes her balk. What if goes wrong, or doesn't work, or -- or something. What if everything changes?
He pats their thigh, nodding his understanding. It's a big step. If it were him, he'd need to mull it over a while too. Well, even getting a scar removed had taken a lot of thinking, and that's not nearly as drastic a change.
"I really thought long and hard about it. At one point, I'd even resolved to do it but I didn't feel ready yet. There are still some things about my old life that are... unresolved. This brand sucks, but it's also a reminder of where I came from. What I went through. Maybe at some point I will feel like I've really put it behind me. Until then, I want to keep the proof. If that makes any sense?" It's not a badge of honor, or anything like that, but it is a physical representation of his struggle. Maybe he'll never be ready to leave it completely.
"You should take all the time you need to think about it. I know it's a big deal. But, if it helps at all to hear this? I want you to know that no matter who you decide you want to be, you're my friend and I'll always care about you. I'm willing to bet a lot of people feel the same way."
She shifts over to lean against him with a sigh, both to offer some comfort back and to acknowledge the offer, and speaks up again after a moment.
"I thought about telling you about this before. When you told me about your -- situation. It's not the same, it's just, I know a little about getting away from people."
The press of her warmth against him really is a comfort. It's good to be heard like this. She's a good listener.
"It's okay that you didn't until now. If you weren't ready yet, then I get that. Even back then, I could still sense that you understood. It still helped to have you listen. Does now, too."
He shifts around a little so he can look down and see her face. "I do still have a question for you. It's uh... well, it changes things a little for me to know that you have a husband and child. I guess I'd like to know where you stand with them and where that might leave us?"
Nott winces a little, but nods. "'S the big question, yeah."
Fuuuuck she wants a drink.
"I don't really know where I am with anyone, I guess. Yeza -- he was doing work for this group back home, they're kind of related to the government -- I'm getting ahead of myself." She rubs a hand over her face. "He thought I was dead. And I thought, I mean, I wasn't sure I'd ever see him again. Or at least I didn't know when I would. So that made fucking around here a little easier." Not that it was ever easy for her, obviously, as Max is well aware.
"Anyway, so, he was doing this work, and, he got captured by the country we're at war with, but we got him out, and -- and he was okay with all this," and all of a sudden her voice is straining past a lump in her throat. Fuck, she didn't come in here meaning to cry, it's just-- "I was so fucking scared and he was okay--"
Max is getting a little choked up just listening to her. He pulls her in for a big bear hug, encouraging the tears with soft murmurs of, "It's okay. You can let it out." Sometimes the tears are necessary.
He'll try to rub her back while he holds her, too. All the while, his heart it swelling with happiness. He knows just what she means. He knows that fear of rejection too well. But Yeza loves her, he clearly does, and by the sounds of it, he would have her back no matter what. Which... meant Max didn't know if he had the right to love her that way anymore. But he couldn't bring himself to be sad about it right now.
And despite planning on keeping it together for this, Nott takes him up on the offer, and just -- curls up against him and cries. Not forever, not even for very long, but for a few minutes of hard sobbing that she hasn't let out with anyone yet.
At one point she hiccups out a "Sorry -- you di-idn't sign up for this" before burying her face in his chest* again. After another minute or two she manages to calm it down to hitching breaths and sniffling.
Max doesn't say a word while she cries, just holds her and rubs soothing circles on her back. His steady posture seems to say he could sit here all day just like this, but she calms after a while.
There's a light laugh from him, more a breath she'll feel in his chest, before he says, "This is exactly what I signed up for."
He waits a little for her to quiet before he elaborates on that, his voice calm but firm. "Nott, this is exactly what being a friend means to me. It means being there for the hard times too. So, yes, holding you like this is exactly what I signed up for. And you've already done the same for me."
He just so happens to have a handkerchief in his breast pocket, so he slips it out and offers it to her. "Here. Did you need this?"
"Th'nks." She takes the handkerchief and dabs at her eyes, blows her nose. "Uh, I will ... launder this."
When she looks up at him, her eyes are still a little watery. "You're a really nice man, Max. And you're a good friend. And I wish I had a good answer for you about what this" -- she gestures vaguely between them -- "is gonna be, I really really do."
"I'm sure the fae can handle that," he says with a breathy chuckle.
"It's okay to not have an answer right now. I don't have one either. We can figure that out later. Might be easier after we've both had a minute to digest it."
He'd miss the flirting, and the more than flirting, he'll admit. But no way is he going to end their friendship over something as petty as that.
"I'd really love to hear more about your family. If you feel like you can talk about it?"
"Yeah, uh -- I mean, I might cry some more, but." She waves the handkerchief; she'll be fine. "Luc's about four. He's gotten pretty big! We're not with him, right now, we have a friend taking him to stay with Jester's mom while we figure out all this war stuff."
Which she's DEFINITELY NOT STRESSED ABOUT, it's fine, she does trust Shakäste.
"And Yeza, well, he's an alchemist. He's very very smart, always has been. Luc takes after him like that. We had an apothecary in town. And -- he's really a lover, not a fighter, but he's been very brave."
"Must be hard to be separated," he says, sympathetically. "But you're doing the right thing to keep him safe."
Max can't imagine having to worry about raising a kid in the midst of war like that. He's grateful that won't ever be a worry for him... even if that's ultimately because he'll never have the chance to raise kids at all.
"I bet you and Yeza make a good team. You dabble in some alchemy too, don't you?"
"I mean -- I'm trying." She sighs, a little shakily. "It's hard when you can't see them. At least now I can -- could see Yeza.
"I picked up alchemy from him, yeah, I assisted him at the apothecary sometimes. He's brilliant, honestly. We were working on some pretty cool stuff before I ended up back here." Another sigh, this one more rueful and less like she's going to cry again. "I guess the good part is he isn't missing me. He spent all that time thinking I was dead. He doesn't have to do that. He won't even know I'm gone."
Max's heart breaks for her all over again. She finally got back to Yeza and now she's been yanked away again. As much as he selfishly doesn't want to see her go, because that would mean losing such a good friend, he hates that she must now endure yet another separation on top of so many. Max doesn't know if there's much he could say to ease that brand of suffering. So, maybe a distraction would be better.
"Would it be too hard to show me a little of what you were working on?"
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-28 08:35 pm (UTC)He flings himself at her, arms wide, to pull her into a hug.
"I don't know if you want to hear this but... I'm so sorry. You made such a huge sacrifice. And you've been dealing with this alone? All this time?"
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-28 08:50 pm (UTC)He's not letting her go for at least another half a minute. So, his next question will be slightly muffled in her shoulder.
"What does this mean for you here? Do you still want to be called Nott? Or, should I use Veth?"
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-28 11:37 pm (UTC)"Does that mean you're planning to ask the fae to restore your halfling body? Do you need any help with favor for that?"
(no subject)
Date: 2021-08-03 02:57 pm (UTC)"A lot of people come here when they've got less to lose by doing what the fae want. Doesn't it seem that way? As Nott you've got a lot more to gain by trying to earn favor, don't you? It feels like they take from people what they would do anything to get back. So, I don't know, maybe that's the game. Either way, I think it matters more what you want for yourself. If you want to be Veth then I'll do anything in my power to help you achieve it. I'm sure others will too."
He's looking at her, dead serious. She deserves to feel at home in her own skin. He knows, after living with Rowan for so long, watching their struggle, that it's easier said than done. But he's willing to help her on the journey.
"Caleb is good with magic, right? Or, hell, we could go ask Jackie to use their flesh changing ability on you. I've seen them do some amazing things with it. I have a good report with Jackie, I'm sure they'd agree to help if they can."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-08-03 03:59 pm (UTC)Max is still surprised sometimes by how much more he knows of Jackie than most. But, logically he shouldn't be since the vampire... well, ex-vampire, keeps to themselves a lot.
"They are very talented with it. I know for a fact they've helped some people with very complicated requests." Rowan, for one, but Max isn't going to name any names.
"And they offered to completely remove the brand on my neck for me. I turned them down, but they could have done it without leaving a trace."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-08-03 05:10 pm (UTC)"I really thought long and hard about it. At one point, I'd even resolved to do it but I didn't feel ready yet. There are still some things about my old life that are... unresolved. This brand sucks, but it's also a reminder of where I came from. What I went through. Maybe at some point I will feel like I've really put it behind me. Until then, I want to keep the proof. If that makes any sense?" It's not a badge of honor, or anything like that, but it is a physical representation of his struggle. Maybe he'll never be ready to leave it completely.
"You should take all the time you need to think about it. I know it's a big deal. But, if it helps at all to hear this? I want you to know that no matter who you decide you want to be, you're my friend and I'll always care about you. I'm willing to bet a lot of people feel the same way."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-08-08 11:58 am (UTC)"It's okay that you didn't until now. If you weren't ready yet, then I get that. Even back then, I could still sense that you understood. It still helped to have you listen. Does now, too."
He shifts around a little so he can look down and see her face. "I do still have a question for you. It's uh... well, it changes things a little for me to know that you have a husband and child. I guess I'd like to know where you stand with them and where that might leave us?"
(no subject)
Date: 2021-08-10 08:56 pm (UTC)He'll try to rub her back while he holds her, too. All the while, his heart it swelling with happiness. He knows just what she means. He knows that fear of rejection too well. But Yeza loves her, he clearly does, and by the sounds of it, he would have her back no matter what. Which... meant Max didn't know if he had the right to love her that way anymore. But he couldn't bring himself to be sad about it right now.
"You got him back. Nott, I'm so happy for you."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-08-17 02:34 pm (UTC)There's a light laugh from him, more a breath she'll feel in his chest, before he says, "This is exactly what I signed up for."
He waits a little for her to quiet before he elaborates on that, his voice calm but firm. "Nott, this is exactly what being a friend means to me. It means being there for the hard times too. So, yes, holding you like this is exactly what I signed up for. And you've already done the same for me."
He just so happens to have a handkerchief in his breast pocket, so he slips it out and offers it to her. "Here. Did you need this?"
(no subject)
Date: 2021-08-18 06:45 pm (UTC)"It's okay to not have an answer right now. I don't have one either. We can figure that out later. Might be easier after we've both had a minute to digest it."
He'd miss the flirting, and the more than flirting, he'll admit. But no way is he going to end their friendship over something as petty as that.
"I'd really love to hear more about your family. If you feel like you can talk about it?"
(no subject)
Date: 2021-08-23 02:09 pm (UTC)Max can't imagine having to worry about raising a kid in the midst of war like that. He's grateful that won't ever be a worry for him... even if that's ultimately because he'll never have the chance to raise kids at all.
"I bet you and Yeza make a good team. You dabble in some alchemy too, don't you?"
(no subject)
Date: 2021-08-30 08:05 pm (UTC)"Would it be too hard to show me a little of what you were working on?"
(no subject)
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