Then. Something finally clicks for Max. Astarion isn't Front. Because no one here is Front. No one else here is from that same world. There may be similarities sometimes but... you can't just put the same blanket judgment over everyone.
"No. He's not Front. And I'm not Front. But I still act a certain way and dress a certain way, don't I? Now that he's here, he can finally enjoy a way of life he chooses to enjoy. And there's nothing wrong with that. The same way you can experience new things, too."
Max reaches for his friend's hand, to hold gently while he tries, delicately, to make his next point. "We all have different experiences with class and wealth. Good and bad. But...Edgar, no one here comes from the same world as you. No one here is Front.
"And maybe a part of why he didn't treat you very kindly is because he doesn't like being judged for something he wasn't part of. Do you understand?"
Edgar jerks his hand out of Max's grasp to surge to his feet and pace, gesticulating, clutching at the air as though it'll give him the words he needs.
"You don't act anything like that. You don't talk to people like -- like they're dirt you scraped off your shoe. Like you're better than they are. And if he was treated like that --" He flings out one hand to point in the vague direction of the door, and by implication at the absent Astarion -- "then he should fuckin know better, and I fuckin well will judge him for that. You gonna tell me that makes it my fault too?"
Max gets to his feet too, putting his arms out in the kind of gesture one would use to talk down a runaway horse.
"Edgar, I don't know who's fault it is. His? Yours? Hell, maybe it's mine for trying to set you up with Lioriley when she had feelings for someone else. Who the hell can say?"
They all four keep spinning round and round, and Max really can't help thinking none of this would have happened if he'd just stayed far far away from it. If he had a time machine, he'd use it.
"I'm sorry." He sounds defeated now. "You came to me and I'm sorry I don't know what to say. All I was trying to do was give you an outsider's perspective. I know Astarion can act like an ass sometimes and I think maybe that's his way of shielding himself. We all deal with our shit in different ways. I'm not saying it's right either, but I understand it. But I understand why it bothers you, too. I do."
Max gestures weakly at the couch. "Will you please sit back down with me?"
Edgar stands silent for the space of two breaths, chest rising and falling, jaw set ... and then his shoulders sag as the tension goes out of him, and he moves back to the couch to slump down into it. He'll shift a little closer, once Max sits down too.
"None of it's your fault," he mumbles, not looking up. With the anger gone out of his voice, it sounds hollow and strengthless in his own ears. "I was gone on her before you ever said a word about it."
"She's a wonderful person, so I can see why. I know it has to sting. But she's happy with Astarion and I'm happy for them. And... I think you should try to be too."
Max sits and immediately tries to wraps an arm around Edgar --if the man will let him.
"Edgar, you are my very good friend and I love you dearly. Astarion is a good friend of mine too and I also care for him. I'm trying to be fair. I don't want to take sides.
"You don't have to like the man." Max suspects that the feeling is mutual with Astarion. "But for Lioriley's sake, and mine, I'd like to find a way to mend the fences."
Edgar doesn't resist the offered arm, and indeed leans into it a little, still slumped forward; his shoulder hides the bitter unhappiness on his face until he turns his head.
"Oh," he answers quietly. He's not sure what else there is to say and for a moment, the silence lingers.
Maybe this is similar to how Max felt with Lilith. He still cares for the woman but... they just never could seem to get along. Maybe it's for the best to keep distance when the alternative just leads to heartache.
"If that's how you feel then...maybe it's better to go your separate ways. For a little while, at least."
"We don't all have to like everyone just because our friends do," Max says gently. "But, if you happen to find yourself at a gathering where she is also present, you can act civil and just avoid speaking to each other for too long, can't you?
"That's how I'm going about it with Lilith. She and I aren't on speaking terms right now but I don't begrudge if others are friendly with her."
Max rubs soothing circles over Edgar's back as he continues. "I think the best thing to do is stay away, especially from Astarion. Don't talk to him. If you happen to encounter him, if he says anything to you, do your best not to snap back. Just walk away. Okay?"
The bitterness is back again, and his throat feels thick with it. There isn't even any warming rage in it, not anymore.
Low-voiced: "So he says what he likes and I keep my head down, is that it? Thought I was done with that here." He wraps one hand around the other, squeezing until his bones ache.
(Or are you saying the same to him?, he wants to ask, except he doesn't want to risk hearing Max answer no.)
What will it take to keep these two from coming to blows again, metaphorically? God, he hopes only metaphorically. Max has already made up his mind to call Astarion in the morning about this, and to make some of the very same requests. He'd just like to be able to throw a party without worrying about the two of them glaring daggers at each other across the room.
"Edgar," Max says, not able to hide the frustration in his voice, "I'm asking you to ignore him. Don't engage with what he has to say. This time, here, you have the power to make that choice. Sometimes the only way to win is not to play the game."
He squeezes his hands together harder, tries hard to keep his voice steady.
"So if he shows up somewhere and sees me, and says push off, boy, go be somewhere else, how do you figure I win by shutting up and walking away? And don't say he won't do that, cause he has."
"I'm not telling you if he walks into a place, say, the common room and says something like that, that you have to just do what he says."
Take a breath, he tells himself. God willing, Astarion won't do anything like that... again?
"I'm saying, if he walks in and say something snide like that, you can firmly remind him you have every right to be there and then don't say anything else to him. Act like you can't even see him or hear him. Don't let him under your skin."
He can feel his shoulders trying to hunch as though against a blow. Ignoring a guard or a Front-sectioner like you can't see or hear him is one of the surest ways to bring down wrath, on yourself and on anyone else who sees it happen --
But this isn't the train. And Astarion isn't Front.
Edgar takes a deep breath and holds it, holds it.
"All right," he says finally, as steadily as he can manage, "all right. But maybe it'd be a good idea for someone to tell him to ignore me."
Max is holding his breath too, waiting. He finally lets it go when Edgar, at least, agrees to this much.
"I'll talk to him."
He shifts around to try and take Edgar's hands again and look him in the eyes. "It's getting late. Why don't we sleep on this for now? You can borrow a shirt from me, get warmed up and we can go snuggle. How does that sound?"
All the rest of that held breath goes out of him in a sigh, and he nods. "Sounds good."
It sounds like a little piece of heaven, actually. It sounds too good to risk losing by trying to push this any further ... and he's starting to feel too tired and heartsore to do that anyway.
Max will stand, keeping Edgar's hands in his, and gently lead him that way. Time to rest for a while. Hopefully, things won't feel quite so dire in the morning. Even if they do, it's better to let it settle and approach it again with a clearer head.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2021-09-11 04:10 pm (UTC)Then. Something finally clicks for Max. Astarion isn't Front. Because no one here is Front. No one else here is from that same world. There may be similarities sometimes but... you can't just put the same blanket judgment over everyone.
"No. He's not Front. And I'm not Front. But I still act a certain way and dress a certain way, don't I? Now that he's here, he can finally enjoy a way of life he chooses to enjoy. And there's nothing wrong with that. The same way you can experience new things, too."
Max reaches for his friend's hand, to hold gently while he tries, delicately, to make his next point. "We all have different experiences with class and wealth. Good and bad. But...Edgar, no one here comes from the same world as you. No one here is Front.
"And maybe a part of why he didn't treat you very kindly is because he doesn't like being judged for something he wasn't part of. Do you understand?"
(no subject)
Date: 2021-09-13 12:13 am (UTC)Edgar jerks his hand out of Max's grasp to surge to his feet and pace, gesticulating, clutching at the air as though it'll give him the words he needs.
"You don't act anything like that. You don't talk to people like -- like they're dirt you scraped off your shoe. Like you're better than they are. And if he was treated like that --" He flings out one hand to point in the vague direction of the door, and by implication at the absent Astarion -- "then he should fuckin know better, and I fuckin well will judge him for that. You gonna tell me that makes it my fault too?"
(no subject)
Date: 2021-09-13 12:35 am (UTC)"Edgar, I don't know who's fault it is. His? Yours? Hell, maybe it's mine for trying to set you up with Lioriley when she had feelings for someone else. Who the hell can say?"
They all four keep spinning round and round, and Max really can't help thinking none of this would have happened if he'd just stayed far far away from it. If he had a time machine, he'd use it.
"I'm sorry." He sounds defeated now. "You came to me and I'm sorry I don't know what to say. All I was trying to do was give you an outsider's perspective. I know Astarion can act like an ass sometimes and I think maybe that's his way of shielding himself. We all deal with our shit in different ways. I'm not saying it's right either, but I understand it. But I understand why it bothers you, too. I do."
Max gestures weakly at the couch. "Will you please sit back down with me?"
(no subject)
Date: 2021-09-13 01:01 am (UTC)"None of it's your fault," he mumbles, not looking up. With the anger gone out of his voice, it sounds hollow and strengthless in his own ears. "I was gone on her before you ever said a word about it."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-09-13 01:12 am (UTC)Max sits and immediately tries to wraps an arm around Edgar --if the man will let him.
"Edgar, you are my very good friend and I love you dearly. Astarion is a good friend of mine too and I also care for him. I'm trying to be fair. I don't want to take sides.
"You don't have to like the man." Max suspects that the feeling is mutual with Astarion. "But for Lioriley's sake, and mine, I'd like to find a way to mend the fences."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-09-13 02:00 am (UTC)"Don't think you need to worry on her account."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-09-13 02:28 pm (UTC)"Why do you say that?" The question is more to try to discern how far the fallout might land than anything else. Where do things stand now?
(no subject)
Date: 2021-09-13 02:36 pm (UTC)He looks away again, swallowing down the ache in his throat, blinking back the stinging in his eyes.
"Think I might be done with her too."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-09-13 02:47 pm (UTC)Maybe this is similar to how Max felt with Lilith. He still cares for the woman but... they just never could seem to get along. Maybe it's for the best to keep distance when the alternative just leads to heartache.
"If that's how you feel then...maybe it's better to go your separate ways. For a little while, at least."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-09-13 04:39 pm (UTC)"Dunno how I'm gonna stay clear for good when all my friends love her. Everybody loves her."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-09-13 05:24 pm (UTC)"That's how I'm going about it with Lilith. She and I aren't on speaking terms right now but I don't begrudge if others are friendly with her."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-09-13 10:23 pm (UTC)He rubs at his eyes again, struggles to keep his voice from wobbling. "Hate this."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-09-14 06:10 pm (UTC)Max rubs soothing circles over Edgar's back as he continues. "I think the best thing to do is stay away, especially from Astarion. Don't talk to him. If you happen to encounter him, if he says anything to you, do your best not to snap back. Just walk away. Okay?"
(no subject)
Date: 2021-09-14 07:37 pm (UTC)Low-voiced: "So he says what he likes and I keep my head down, is that it? Thought I was done with that here." He wraps one hand around the other, squeezing until his bones ache.
(Or are you saying the same to him?, he wants to ask, except he doesn't want to risk hearing Max answer no.)
(no subject)
Date: 2021-09-14 07:51 pm (UTC)"Edgar," Max says, not able to hide the frustration in his voice, "I'm asking you to ignore him. Don't engage with what he has to say. This time, here, you have the power to make that choice. Sometimes the only way to win is not to play the game."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-09-14 08:16 pm (UTC)"So if he shows up somewhere and sees me, and says push off, boy, go be somewhere else, how do you figure I win by shutting up and walking away? And don't say he won't do that, cause he has."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-09-14 08:25 pm (UTC)Take a breath, he tells himself. God willing, Astarion won't do anything like that... again?
"I'm saying, if he walks in and say something snide like that, you can firmly remind him you have every right to be there and then don't say anything else to him. Act like you can't even see him or hear him. Don't let him under your skin."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-09-14 08:45 pm (UTC)But this isn't the train. And Astarion isn't Front.
Edgar takes a deep breath and holds it, holds it.
"All right," he says finally, as steadily as he can manage, "all right. But maybe it'd be a good idea for someone to tell him to ignore me."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-09-14 09:04 pm (UTC)"I'll talk to him."
He shifts around to try and take Edgar's hands again and look him in the eyes. "It's getting late. Why don't we sleep on this for now? You can borrow a shirt from me, get warmed up and we can go snuggle. How does that sound?"
(no subject)
Date: 2021-09-14 11:49 pm (UTC)It sounds like a little piece of heaven, actually. It sounds too good to risk losing by trying to push this any further ... and he's starting to feel too tired and heartsore to do that anyway.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-09-15 12:42 am (UTC)Max will stand, keeping Edgar's hands in his, and gently lead him that way. Time to rest for a while. Hopefully, things won't feel quite so dire in the morning. Even if they do, it's better to let it settle and approach it again with a clearer head.