She had another identity too? He's still registering surprise on his face at the first revelation when she hits him with that question.
"O-oh, uh. No. I can make an educated guess, but I could be wrong." He wouldn't want to mistakenly assume her world's version is the same as, say, a hobbit.
"Okay, well, we're like humans, but shorter and better at stuff." She sighs. "I wish I could show you, but I don't have my spells back yet. The real point is that -- it's not just that I don't feel like a goblin. I wasn't one."
"Okay." He nods, accepting the explanation easily. He should probably ask more about that later but it seems less important at the moment.
"That puts some of the things you've told me in a different context, for sure. It makes a lot of sense. But... did you know this the whole time?" Because it never sounded like it before.
She's always made it sound more like it was a struggle with something undefinable. Unless that was part of a cover? Part of the secrets she said she's been keeping?
Nott looks, and sounds, embarrassed; her ears are down and back like a guilty dog's.
"I don't really have -- a good reason for not telling people," she continues. "Except that it's just so, it's so messy. And here, in some ways, I guess, it's easier to just be Nott than think about being Veth. Because Veth is -- I'm -- well," she says, wincing like she's preparing to look into a bright light with a terrible hangover, "I'm married."
Max listening to her explanation is readying to tell her it's okay and that he understands, given how he's hidden his previous identity to plenty of people too. But that flies right out the window when she drops that final bombshell.
"W-what?" The question drops out of his mouth before he can think twice about it.
She's married. To... presumably someone in her own world. Which would make the things they've done together pretty awkward if that person showed up. But, okay, maybe he's getting ahead of himself. Was it a bad marriage? Did she become Nott to get away from it?
He lets out a slow breath and calmly looks at her. "I'll uh... go ahead and let you explain before I launch into the about one-hundred or so questions I have."
Yyyyeah that was kind of the reaction Nott was bracing for. It's good of him to calm himself down, though.
"Okay, um, well, stop me if I lose you." Deep breaths, girlfriend.
"So. His name's Yeza." There's an unmistakable softness to the way she says his name: whatever other emotions are at play here, she loves this person. "We grew up in Felderwin, small town, and -- well, the short version is, we were both a little weird. I was this strange girl everyone made fun of, but he never minded. And he's very very smart! An alchemist. Little bit nerdy.
"And we got close, and, you know, we got married. Opened up his apothecary. Had a baby. Luc, he's about -- four, now, I think?"
THE HITS KEEP COMING. She hurries on rather than linger too much on the second bombshell of also I have a kid.
"But this all happened a couple years ago, when he was still very small. We had a hard winter that year. Everyone in town was struggling, making it work. But there was this goblin clan that lived outside town, and with how bad it had gotten, they started to raid us. They hit the town again and again and -- one day, they took us. The three of us."
She pauses for a moment here, glancing up at Max, chewing on her lip. Still with her?
Max is doing his best to sit and listen. Though his fingers are fidgeting in his lap, he's otherwise doing a pretty good job--until she drops that second bomb.
A BABY?
His eyes are once again about as wide as they can go. He's making a sound in the back of his throat that sounds like an attempt at saying something but also he might just be choking on his own spit.
It's for the best as she speeds on to the next bombshell after that. Goblin raids. And they... "They kidnapped you?"
"Y-yeah. Sorry." He shakes his head at the same time so... jury is out on this one.
"It's a lot to take in. I mean, you have a baby? That's... that huge. And, I just... I think I've doubled the amount of questions I have for you now, but I'm trying to hold it in until you finish."
"Yeah, it -- yeah." She sighs ruefully. "I know it's a lot. So--
"They held us for a while. I don't know how long, exactly, but long enough that Luc wasn't doing well. None of us were. So one night, we ran. Uh, I'm pretty fast, so I went one direction to distract the goblins, and Yeza took Luc and went the other way. And it worked, they got away. But I didn't."
She hesitates a moment, sorting her thoughts, bracing herself for the next part.
"So. They caught me. I fought back, I had some acid on me and I threw it in their leader's face, but they caught me, and they didn't -- like that. And the leader's, uh, wife, I guess, she took me to this woman, this magic-user, and they -- drowned me. In the river. And I blacked out, and I woke up." She stretches her hands out in front of her, green and clawed. "I woke up like this."
His eyes are beginning to shine with the first hint of tears by the time she gets to "But I didn't" and as she keeps going, right to the bitter end of her story, one urge overwhelms all others.
He flings himself at her, arms wide, to pull her into a hug.
"I don't know if you want to hear this but... I'm so sorry. You made such a huge sacrifice. And you've been dealing with this alone? All this time?"
The hug catches her off guard, and she goes stiff for half a second before relaxing into it.
"Yyyyes? It's -- it's weird because Caleb and Beau, when I got here, they already knew. But I hadn't told them, so it was like, I don't know, like they knew a different person. Two different people, the Nott who told them and Veth, and neither of them was me? Gods, that sounds stupid."
"No. It's not stupid. It's confusing and complicated. And, if you think about it... you didn't really get to reveal this to them on your own terms. Not the you that you are right now."
He's not letting her go for at least another half a minute. So, his next question will be slightly muffled in her shoulder.
"What does this mean for you here? Do you still want to be called Nott? Or, should I use Veth?"
"I don't know, honestly." A sigh. "I don't even know if it's something the fae would fix. Caleb says we figure it out back home, eventually. And if they wanted to see me fuckin' people like that, why wouldn't they have kidnapped me then?"
"Hmmm." Max considers it. The fae very well could have taken her at that time before. But, would she have been less willing to participate with a husband and kid at home?
"A lot of people come here when they've got less to lose by doing what the fae want. Doesn't it seem that way? As Nott you've got a lot more to gain by trying to earn favor, don't you? It feels like they take from people what they would do anything to get back. So, I don't know, maybe that's the game. Either way, I think it matters more what you want for yourself. If you want to be Veth then I'll do anything in my power to help you achieve it. I'm sure others will too."
He's looking at her, dead serious. She deserves to feel at home in her own skin. He knows, after living with Rowan for so long, watching their struggle, that it's easier said than done. But he's willing to help her on the journey.
"Caleb is good with magic, right? Or, hell, we could go ask Jackie to use their flesh changing ability on you. I've seen them do some amazing things with it. I have a good report with Jackie, I'm sure they'd agree to help if they can."
Max is still surprised sometimes by how much more he knows of Jackie than most. But, logically he shouldn't be since the vampire... well, ex-vampire, keeps to themselves a lot.
"They are very talented with it. I know for a fact they've helped some people with very complicated requests." Rowan, for one, but Max isn't going to name any names.
"And they offered to completely remove the brand on my neck for me. I turned them down, but they could have done it without leaving a trace."
"I'll ... I'll think about that," Nott replies slowly. Every time the actual offer comes up, the idea that she might actually be able to fix this, the enormity of it all makes her balk. What if goes wrong, or doesn't work, or -- or something. What if everything changes?
He pats their thigh, nodding his understanding. It's a big step. If it were him, he'd need to mull it over a while too. Well, even getting a scar removed had taken a lot of thinking, and that's not nearly as drastic a change.
"I really thought long and hard about it. At one point, I'd even resolved to do it but I didn't feel ready yet. There are still some things about my old life that are... unresolved. This brand sucks, but it's also a reminder of where I came from. What I went through. Maybe at some point I will feel like I've really put it behind me. Until then, I want to keep the proof. If that makes any sense?" It's not a badge of honor, or anything like that, but it is a physical representation of his struggle. Maybe he'll never be ready to leave it completely.
"You should take all the time you need to think about it. I know it's a big deal. But, if it helps at all to hear this? I want you to know that no matter who you decide you want to be, you're my friend and I'll always care about you. I'm willing to bet a lot of people feel the same way."
She shifts over to lean against him with a sigh, both to offer some comfort back and to acknowledge the offer, and speaks up again after a moment.
"I thought about telling you about this before. When you told me about your -- situation. It's not the same, it's just, I know a little about getting away from people."
The press of her warmth against him really is a comfort. It's good to be heard like this. She's a good listener.
"It's okay that you didn't until now. If you weren't ready yet, then I get that. Even back then, I could still sense that you understood. It still helped to have you listen. Does now, too."
He shifts around a little so he can look down and see her face. "I do still have a question for you. It's uh... well, it changes things a little for me to know that you have a husband and child. I guess I'd like to know where you stand with them and where that might leave us?"
Nott winces a little, but nods. "'S the big question, yeah."
Fuuuuck she wants a drink.
"I don't really know where I am with anyone, I guess. Yeza -- he was doing work for this group back home, they're kind of related to the government -- I'm getting ahead of myself." She rubs a hand over her face. "He thought I was dead. And I thought, I mean, I wasn't sure I'd ever see him again. Or at least I didn't know when I would. So that made fucking around here a little easier." Not that it was ever easy for her, obviously, as Max is well aware.
"Anyway, so, he was doing this work, and, he got captured by the country we're at war with, but we got him out, and -- and he was okay with all this," and all of a sudden her voice is straining past a lump in her throat. Fuck, she didn't come in here meaning to cry, it's just-- "I was so fucking scared and he was okay--"
Max is getting a little choked up just listening to her. He pulls her in for a big bear hug, encouraging the tears with soft murmurs of, "It's okay. You can let it out." Sometimes the tears are necessary.
He'll try to rub her back while he holds her, too. All the while, his heart it swelling with happiness. He knows just what she means. He knows that fear of rejection too well. But Yeza loves her, he clearly does, and by the sounds of it, he would have her back no matter what. Which... meant Max didn't know if he had the right to love her that way anymore. But he couldn't bring himself to be sad about it right now.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-23 05:58 pm (UTC)"O-oh, uh. No. I can make an educated guess, but I could be wrong." He wouldn't want to mistakenly assume her world's version is the same as, say, a hobbit.
"What is a halfling?"
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-23 08:36 pm (UTC)"That puts some of the things you've told me in a different context, for sure. It makes a lot of sense. But... did you know this the whole time?" Because it never sounded like it before.
She's always made it sound more like it was a struggle with something undefinable. Unless that was part of a cover? Part of the secrets she said she's been keeping?
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-25 08:18 pm (UTC)"W-what?" The question drops out of his mouth before he can think twice about it.
She's married. To... presumably someone in her own world. Which would make the things they've done together pretty awkward if that person showed up. But, okay, maybe he's getting ahead of himself. Was it a bad marriage? Did she become Nott to get away from it?
He lets out a slow breath and calmly looks at her. "I'll uh... go ahead and let you explain before I launch into the about one-hundred or so questions I have."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-28 05:29 pm (UTC)A BABY?
His eyes are once again about as wide as they can go. He's making a sound in the back of his throat that sounds like an attempt at saying something but also he might just be choking on his own spit.
It's for the best as she speeds on to the next bombshell after that. Goblin raids. And they... "They kidnapped you?"
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-28 06:24 pm (UTC)"It's a lot to take in. I mean, you have a baby? That's... that huge. And, I just... I think I've doubled the amount of questions I have for you now, but I'm trying to hold it in until you finish."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-28 08:35 pm (UTC)He flings himself at her, arms wide, to pull her into a hug.
"I don't know if you want to hear this but... I'm so sorry. You made such a huge sacrifice. And you've been dealing with this alone? All this time?"
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-28 08:50 pm (UTC)He's not letting her go for at least another half a minute. So, his next question will be slightly muffled in her shoulder.
"What does this mean for you here? Do you still want to be called Nott? Or, should I use Veth?"
(no subject)
Date: 2021-07-28 11:37 pm (UTC)"Does that mean you're planning to ask the fae to restore your halfling body? Do you need any help with favor for that?"
(no subject)
Date: 2021-08-03 02:57 pm (UTC)"A lot of people come here when they've got less to lose by doing what the fae want. Doesn't it seem that way? As Nott you've got a lot more to gain by trying to earn favor, don't you? It feels like they take from people what they would do anything to get back. So, I don't know, maybe that's the game. Either way, I think it matters more what you want for yourself. If you want to be Veth then I'll do anything in my power to help you achieve it. I'm sure others will too."
He's looking at her, dead serious. She deserves to feel at home in her own skin. He knows, after living with Rowan for so long, watching their struggle, that it's easier said than done. But he's willing to help her on the journey.
"Caleb is good with magic, right? Or, hell, we could go ask Jackie to use their flesh changing ability on you. I've seen them do some amazing things with it. I have a good report with Jackie, I'm sure they'd agree to help if they can."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-08-03 03:59 pm (UTC)Max is still surprised sometimes by how much more he knows of Jackie than most. But, logically he shouldn't be since the vampire... well, ex-vampire, keeps to themselves a lot.
"They are very talented with it. I know for a fact they've helped some people with very complicated requests." Rowan, for one, but Max isn't going to name any names.
"And they offered to completely remove the brand on my neck for me. I turned them down, but they could have done it without leaving a trace."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-08-03 05:10 pm (UTC)"I really thought long and hard about it. At one point, I'd even resolved to do it but I didn't feel ready yet. There are still some things about my old life that are... unresolved. This brand sucks, but it's also a reminder of where I came from. What I went through. Maybe at some point I will feel like I've really put it behind me. Until then, I want to keep the proof. If that makes any sense?" It's not a badge of honor, or anything like that, but it is a physical representation of his struggle. Maybe he'll never be ready to leave it completely.
"You should take all the time you need to think about it. I know it's a big deal. But, if it helps at all to hear this? I want you to know that no matter who you decide you want to be, you're my friend and I'll always care about you. I'm willing to bet a lot of people feel the same way."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-08-08 11:58 am (UTC)"It's okay that you didn't until now. If you weren't ready yet, then I get that. Even back then, I could still sense that you understood. It still helped to have you listen. Does now, too."
He shifts around a little so he can look down and see her face. "I do still have a question for you. It's uh... well, it changes things a little for me to know that you have a husband and child. I guess I'd like to know where you stand with them and where that might leave us?"
(no subject)
Date: 2021-08-10 08:56 pm (UTC)He'll try to rub her back while he holds her, too. All the while, his heart it swelling with happiness. He knows just what she means. He knows that fear of rejection too well. But Yeza loves her, he clearly does, and by the sounds of it, he would have her back no matter what. Which... meant Max didn't know if he had the right to love her that way anymore. But he couldn't bring himself to be sad about it right now.
"You got him back. Nott, I'm so happy for you."
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