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[She does. Well, that cuts down on some of the awkwardness, thinks Max, though probably not the pain.]

I'd think it's pretty natural for you to be uncertain. I mean, you had to mourn her and accept her death and now here she is again.

Can you be a little more specific? Did the two of you have some things that were unresolved still?

A fair enough point.

( Zevran is silent again, and when he speaks its with a faint hint of annoyance. )

No. ( no. he couldn't be more specific and no they don't have anything that needs to be resolved. definitely not. ) We were traveling companions, good friends - if I were to be so bold to call anyone such. Nothing more than that. ( The exhaled breath at the end of that thought sounds like he was about to say something else. but he doesn't. ) That is why I do not understand why the bloody fae would give me this.

[Nothing more than that? Then, why the annoyance in Zevran's tone? Unless... perhaps the assassin doth protest too much.]

Did you want to be more?

( Unfortunately, his displeased tone lingered, and grew just a little more aggressive when he spat out his reply. )

There was nothing more to be.

[That sounds like a touched nerve.]

I'm sorry...

[Max's tone is careful and soft as he adds.]

What did you intend to do with that earring?

Nothing. ( a lie. ) Really, I should have pawned it ages ago in Denerim. An item as beautiful as this could have earned me plenty of coin. But it is...sentimental, I suppose, for whatever that may mean to an assassin such as myself, with little room or need for such things.

I don't see a problem with being a little sentimental. But I'm not sure I understand the connection between this and Solona.

[Is it just that two things from his past showed up at once or... is there more to it?]

( there's more to it than that, but Zevran can barely comprehend the connection himself, let alone admit it out loud. )

Nothing, I suppose. I must have simply linked them together with how quickly one arrived after the other.

Now that I have spoken of it aloud, I see I am being a bit ridiculous. Ah, but even I have my off days.

If you say so.

[Max doesn't sound like he's buying it.]

I'm happy to act as a sounding board any time.

And, Zevran, you obviously care about her a lot. I don't see any reason to hold back now. this could be a second chance for both of you.

[Hint, hint.]

( Zevran hummed, his tone still leaning on the side of irritation. He opted to not give a serious response though, and offered instead, a joke: )

You are right, Max. I should take this chance to finally woo her into my bed.

[There's a huff from Max, almost assuredly accompanied by an eye roll.]

Well, sure. That's the name of the game here, isn't it?

But, here's a crazy thought: you could take her on a date.

Would you like to know what happened to the last person I took on a date, Max?

When you say it like that, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to like the answer.

What do you mean, Max? I was just going to tell you that I took her dancing, swept her off her feet, shared a bottle of the finest Antivan wine and then made sweet, sweet love to her until the sun rose.

Oh, and then I plunged a dagger into her heart. Romantic, no?

[Well, that's something he would have been happier never explicitly knowing.]

Zevran...

[Heavy sigh.]

I'm sure that kind of... lifestyle didn't make forming attachments easy for you. But, is the idea of waking up next to her the next morning, you know, without putting a knife through her heart really that scary for you?

( wow max he thought you were his friend??? friends don't call friends out like that on their emotional vulnerability. )

I cannot imagine how waking up beside a beautiful woman could ever be scary. ( just going to dodge, duck, dip, dive, dodge over the implication that that has anything to do with love or whatever horrendous emotion he is currently feeling. ) Well, unless she is the one intending to do the stabbing.

[Tough love, Zevran. Tough love.]

That's not what I meant and you know it.

Do you like her? I mean like like her.

Of course I like her. She is beautiful and strong and granted me the chance for freedom - a sort of freedom at any rate, outside of the Crows.

Beyond that, I do not know what you wish me to say, Max.

[Okay, Zevran. You leave him no choice.]

Are you in love with her?

( Silence. Long and palpable even through the tome. He debates hanging up numerous in those agonizing moments. )

...I do not know. How does one know such a thing?

[Max really is amazed he wasn't hung up on. He was giving it 60/40 odds.]

Funny, isn't it? You'd think it would be easier to tell.

Does she make you feel safe to be yourself? Does talking to her and spending time with her make you feel cared for and appreciated in a way you've never felt before? Does she make you want to become the best version of yourself to make her proud? When you see something good, is she one of the first people you think to tell about it?

Could you see yourself spending every day here with her? Can you picture growing older with her? Does the thought of her getting hurt make your heart ache harder than any stab wound?

( Max would be disappointed by a lot of answers Zevran would be inclined to give for many of those questions. He felt confident he already was the best version of himself regardless of Solona's influence, and what defined 'good', truly?

Some were easier to answer, though. Yes, he could see himself spending every day here with her, and yes the thought of seeing her hurt (again) was an unpleasant one. Growing old...well, he was an assassin. He should have been dead by now anyway, and she already was, so that just seemed silly. )

Emotions are a dangerous thing to an assassin, and I have been trained to be cold and unfeeling to focus solely on killing, on doing my duty as a Crow. ( he felt love once before, he thinks, with Rinna, before he betrayed her trust and watched Talisen run her through. His heart had ached, but it was so easily ignored in that moment; unnecessary as the feeling had been. ) If all that you say is love - then I suppose I do love her.

But it is not my place to burden her with such things.

[Disappointed, maybe, but not shocked. Love is a lot of things, all very individual.]

I don't doubt that. But the Crow aren't here and she is. What if she doesn't see it as a burden at all? What if she feels the same? This is the chance of two lifetimes for you.

I - ( another long pause. ) Perhaps.

( he will consider it, at any rate. ) Well, this has been fun, but I really should be going now. Thank you for...indulging me, Max.

I'd be happy to do so again any time.

Good luck, Zevran, whatever you decide to do.

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epicure - Date: 2021-10-01 04:02 pm (UTC) - Expand

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