Max still isn't home when she hauls herself through the door of their house, still covered in blood and dirt. She takes one look at the disaster, sighs and goes to grab whatever alcohol she can find. She doesn't even bother pouring a glass, just slumps on the couch and drinks straight from the bottle, waiting.
She doesn't have to wait long. Crumpet comes bounding in first, running right up to here where she sits. Max is not far behind, but he freezes in place when he sees... everything.
Valdis looks at him when he enters, noting the concern in his eyes. The guilt feels heavy in her chest, not just for the mess, but for hiding things from him.
"You should see the other guy..."
Though she doesn't dare hope that the Dirtman is gone for good. People aren't that lucky in Pumpkin Hollow.
It takes a lot to get the better of Valdis, so Max can't help but be spooked to find her in such a state. If she's here though then, yeah, he isn't giving the other guy very good odds.
"Seriously, what happened? Did someone attack you in here?"
"He probably will be within 24 hours like the rest of us."
If she could hear his train of thought, she would be half bristling at the idea that anyone could get the better of her. Even if it was technically true this time...
"It's fine. But I need to talk to you about Erik."
She blinks in surprise, trying to figure out how exactly he reached that conclusion. Though, it is an oddly logical conclusion based on their conversation so far.
"No. Erik is too afraid of me and too scared of alienating you to do something that stupid."
Of course he was worried and she has no idea how to reassure him. Part of her still wants to dance around it, to try to backpedal. She knows if she makes herself into the victim he will believe her, but she's not sure that would make her feel better long term. Yet, if he realizes how easily she accepted the terms in the end...what would he think of her if he knew she had planned and plotted this without remorse...The only thing she feels badly about is that the knowledge will hurt him.
"Our bargaining was not as successful as I had hoped. I did manage to get one of the prices down to something reasonable and beneficial to me, but the other, the one for you,...she wouldn't budge on it and I wasn't going to make you pay it."
"What?" He pulls himself closer to her without letting go of her hands. Suddenly, his heart is pounding in his throat, pulse loud in his ears. His price? His? Caused this?
She's worried they are still talking past each other, or maybe he just can't begin to imagine that she would seek out violence on her own.
"No, Max. This was the Dirtman, not Claunthe."
What Elsie said still ate at her, and as much as she doesn't want it to be true, maybe she hadn't bargained against her own biases enough.
"Claunthe...she demanded blood in exchange for your safe passage, and I...Max. I don't know what Claunthe would have done if I refused to pay her price...You have to understand that I only chose him because I knew he also wanted to protect you."
Max pauses in place, going as still as he can when he's trembling. The rest of that sinks in slowly, or is it that Max doesn't want the understanding to come?
"No. It was several weeks ago, but he didn't want you to know because it would hurt you, and I didn't want to tell because I was afraid you would hate me."
Part of her wishes she had died in that dirt pit so maybe she could have planned this out better, but the endless gnawing of Elsie's words were simply aggravated by the whole ordeal with the Dirtman.
He lets himself crumple to the ground, landing on his knees first and then falling backward on his ass. This is so much to take in. He's not sure how he feels about it yet besides being numbly surprised.
"So you... killed him and then... you both talked after?"
Anger is starting to filter in past the shock, but it's not at Valdis alone. Erik said not to tell him. Erik did.
"He doesn't... get to decide for me anymore. Valdis I... I could never hate you but ... I'm upset. I said I didn't want people to get hurt for me. I don't want people choosing for me, either. I'm not that weak anymore. I don't need to be protected no matter what."
She senses his anger, and while she understands it, his insistence that no one get hurt on his behalf brings out some of her own.
"Were you going to go out yourself and choose someone to kill in order to pay Claunthe's price?"
Perhaps it's unfair for her to say it, but it's the truth.
"I tried to haggle with her, but I revealed my hand the moment I offered to pay for you, and I knew you wouldn't want me to cover my hands in innocent blood on your behalf."
"No! I'd rather die myself than kill someone else ever again!" he bursts out, tears springing into his eyes.
"And he was innocent! Erik hasn't done anything to me! I've seen him around the town. We've been talking a little. He hasn't done anything. He didn't deserve to die for me."
She had given away her best hand and Claunthe had called her on it, but that was all in the past now, the debt was paid and done with, whether Max liked it or not.
"Clearly you have forgotten how he tormented you for all those years, to the point your self-esteem was shattered. He treated you like property, used you, branded you and I'm sure he's done far worse that he hasn't even admitted to you or himself. There is absolutely nothing about him that makes him innocent. Ylva and I have spent so much time and energy helping you recover from what what he did to you. We love you in a way he never could and he knows it. Him trying to become a better person doesn't erase everything he did and I don't understand why you don't realize that."
"How is you deciding for me any different than him doing it?!" The words fly from his lips before he can stop them, and he quickly claps a hand over his mouth in shame.
But he is still listening to the rest. The shame in him grows worse. He knows they had to work so hard to get him to see. He knows. He still has more to do but...
"I haven't forgotten. I'm not saying it erases anything. But I have forgiven him, Valdis. I forgive him. Especially when I know he meant it when he said he'd die to protect me. I already had to watch him do it once... I can't...I don't... I don't want to spend the rest of my life being angry at him. I don't want to live like that. You don't have to like him or forgive him but... this is my choice. It's my life."
"Before you even took Claunthe's offer I had told her I would pay so you wouldn't have to. I did it because I love you and I couldn't bear to have you be in debt to a demon. I didn't abuse you, or train you, or belittle you to elevate myself. I have never harmed you like he has and I have done my best to give you every single freedom he denied you and more."
And yet, here he is, acting like he would have done something differently.
"I don't like him and I don't forgive him, and you're going to have to live with that, but let me ask you this: If our positions were reversed, would you be able to forgive?"
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Middle of July
Date: 2024-07-14 10:08 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-15 01:50 am (UTC)"V-Valdis? What happened? Are you okay??"
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-15 01:59 am (UTC)"You should see the other guy..."
Though she doesn't dare hope that the Dirtman is gone for good. People aren't that lucky in Pumpkin Hollow.
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-15 07:05 pm (UTC)It takes a lot to get the better of Valdis, so Max can't help but be spooked to find her in such a state. If she's here though then, yeah, he isn't giving the other guy very good odds.
"Seriously, what happened? Did someone attack you in here?"
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-15 09:19 pm (UTC)If she could hear his train of thought, she would be half bristling at the idea that anyone could get the better of her. Even if it was technically true this time...
"It's fine. But I need to talk to you about Erik."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-16 12:36 am (UTC)"Did Erik attack you?!"
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-16 12:41 am (UTC)She blinks in surprise, trying to figure out how exactly he reached that conclusion. Though, it is an oddly logical conclusion based on their conversation so far.
"No. Erik is too afraid of me and too scared of alienating you to do something that stupid."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-16 12:45 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-16 01:04 am (UTC)Valdis puts the bottle down and reaches for his hands.
"Do you remember when I told Claunthe I would pay your way off that insect ship?"
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-16 01:12 am (UTC)"I... yeah? I do. I've been so worried about that. What happened? Do you need my help to pay? You know I would have already."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-16 01:18 am (UTC)"Our bargaining was not as successful as I had hoped. I did manage to get one of the prices down to something reasonable and beneficial to me, but the other, the one for you,...she wouldn't budge on it and I wasn't going to make you pay it."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-17 12:51 am (UTC)"What was the price? What did she do to you?"
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-17 01:08 am (UTC)"No, Max. This was the Dirtman, not Claunthe."
What Elsie said still ate at her, and as much as she doesn't want it to be true, maybe she hadn't bargained against her own biases enough.
"Claunthe...she demanded blood in exchange for your safe passage, and I...Max. I don't know what Claunthe would have done if I refused to pay her price...You have to understand that I only chose him because I knew he also wanted to protect you."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-17 01:20 am (UTC)Max pauses in place, going as still as he can when he's trembling. The rest of that sinks in slowly, or is it that Max doesn't want the understanding to come?
"...He?"
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-17 01:25 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-17 01:36 am (UTC)"You killed Erik? W-when? Tonight??"
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-17 01:43 am (UTC)Part of her wishes she had died in that dirt pit so maybe she could have planned this out better, but the endless gnawing of Elsie's words were simply aggravated by the whole ordeal with the Dirtman.
"I'm sorry."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-23 01:56 am (UTC)He lets himself crumple to the ground, landing on his knees first and then falling backward on his ass. This is so much to take in. He's not sure how he feels about it yet besides being numbly surprised.
"Did... you plan this together?"
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-23 02:09 am (UTC)"Claunthe didn't want a sacrifice, Max. If we had discussed it beforehand, it wouldn't have counted."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-23 02:26 am (UTC)Anger is starting to filter in past the shock, but it's not at Valdis alone. Erik said not to tell him. Erik did.
"He doesn't... get to decide for me anymore. Valdis I... I could never hate you but ... I'm upset. I said I didn't want people to get hurt for me. I don't want people choosing for me, either. I'm not that weak anymore. I don't need to be protected no matter what."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-23 02:37 am (UTC)She senses his anger, and while she understands it, his insistence that no one get hurt on his behalf brings out some of her own.
"Were you going to go out yourself and choose someone to kill in order to pay Claunthe's price?"
Perhaps it's unfair for her to say it, but it's the truth.
"I tried to haggle with her, but I revealed my hand the moment I offered to pay for you, and I knew you wouldn't want me to cover my hands in innocent blood on your behalf."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-27 09:19 pm (UTC)"And he was innocent! Erik hasn't done anything to me! I've seen him around the town. We've been talking a little. He hasn't done anything. He didn't deserve to die for me."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-27 09:35 pm (UTC)"And that's why I killed for you."
She had given away her best hand and Claunthe had called her on it, but that was all in the past now, the debt was paid and done with, whether Max liked it or not.
"Clearly you have forgotten how he tormented you for all those years, to the point your self-esteem was shattered. He treated you like property, used you, branded you and I'm sure he's done far worse that he hasn't even admitted to you or himself. There is absolutely nothing about him that makes him innocent. Ylva and I have spent so much time and energy helping you recover from what what he did to you. We love you in a way he never could and he knows it. Him trying to become a better person doesn't erase everything he did and I don't understand why you don't realize that."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-27 09:51 pm (UTC)But he is still listening to the rest. The shame in him grows worse. He knows they had to work so hard to get him to see. He knows. He still has more to do but...
"I haven't forgotten. I'm not saying it erases anything. But I have forgiven him, Valdis. I forgive him. Especially when I know he meant it when he said he'd die to protect me. I already had to watch him do it once... I can't...I don't... I don't want to spend the rest of my life being angry at him. I don't want to live like that. You don't have to like him or forgive him but... this is my choice. It's my life."
(no subject)
Date: 2024-07-27 10:24 pm (UTC)And yet, here he is, acting like he would have done something differently.
"I don't like him and I don't forgive him, and you're going to have to live with that, but let me ask you this: If our positions were reversed, would you be able to forgive?"
(no subject)
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